Scared Bunny

I have finally found a cure to my anxiety. Well, not a cure, but a control. If I keep myself productive at work, I stay calm. I am not sure if writing will work or not, but I am going to try. What I do know is that working means making more money and more money means less stress. I am paid on a commission so, needless to say, I get worried some months. It's a curse. We have people here making millions, so there is an incentive to work. Others barely make enough to cover their base.

What is real funny is how I can make all that money. The key is sitting on the phone all day. So I'm at my desk with the Bluetooth headset just like the Time/Life operators from those old commercials selling books about plumbing. The difference is I am selling millions of dollars to people who own more than I will ever imagine owning. That and we don’t use those odd pictures of strangely blank white guys in our reading materials.

The funny thing is, sometimes I can be working and really achieving nothing, but it still relaxes me. It's my mind that is the problem. If it's kept busy it doesn't trigger the physical discomfort. It's a tricky thing to master though because I am a master at switching between multiple thoughts very quickly. I used to believe I could actually think of more than one thing at once, but I now realize I am just one of those blessed with a quick mental trigger. In the past it has been a great benefit, but now it is a pain. I flip back and forth from good (or sometimes blank) thoughts to bad ones.

It’s just tough right now for me. I am re-training my mind and I know now that no pill can do it and really no therapist. I have to do it myself. It's just like my getting back in shape. Every day I have to do that cardio whether I feel like it or not. I have to make myself get off the couch and get on the bike. Well, in the car, in the gym and then on the bike. I really think that I understand now why programs have partners and they urge people to join a gym with a buddy. It’s about accountability. Having someone with you going through it would make all the difference. That said, I don’t want some crazy chick as a sponsor. The sane women won’t touch me, and I don’t blame them. A male sponsor in intriguing, but the whole naked in the locker room thing is awkward.

At home it's harder. My house is empty and I can't ignore that. A home for 5 or more has 1, and that makes me depressed and anxious. I swear I want a studio when I move. OK, not that small, but I may even go 1 bedroom just because there is no need for another. My son loves to sleep either on the couch or in my huge bed, so why not (other than where to keep his stuff.). I can just feel the absence of people in that house. Now I understand why a house feels haunted. It's not ghosts. It's that the life that should be there just isn’t. That leaves us as intruders on their turf. No spirits are involved, but we sense spiritual emptiness, and it scares us.

Labels: anxiety, emotions, life, mind control

I love the way people are trying to get me to start dating again.

Don't get me wrong. I still appreciate a hot woman. And I am still a hornball just like the next guy. But I am not interested in dating. I have found that if I stop for even a minute, and don't keep myself occupied, my anxiety jumps and then I'm a mess. I even enjoy making cold calls at work because it fights off the anxiety. But the causes of my anxiety would be right in front of me if I were dating. The anxiety isn't about Tricia. It's about me. She didn't personally cause them. The fact that I was dating and then married caused them.

But people, including my shrink, keep asking me if I've tried this, that or the other thing. Let me ask you this; can you see me being a church guy? I have a blog full of the word fuck and comments about anal sex. While lots of church guys are like that in private, I am just like that period. And bars? You think I would ever trust a woman I picked up in a bar? I would assume any time she went to a bar without me she was trying to get picked up. After all, I did it.

But the best suggestion was online. With one exception (Heather, or She Who Shall Not Be Named) every single story in this blog involves an online hookup to at least some degree. So we kind of have a track record there. We have the women who were married and told me they weren't. We have the women who were married but said they were separated. We have hard core no lube anal girl. We have a woman who I broke up with who, despite pledging she wanted to marry me was claiming to be in love with another guy less than a week later. And… Well, you get the idea.

Unless my new psychiatrist comes up with a med that blocks the physical symptoms of anxiety, there is no way I can date unless it's one off and I never think about them again. I don't do that very well though. If I like them I get attached. Then the anxiety hits because I don't feel worthy. It hits because I don't trust. It hits because I am expecting to get hurt again.

People don't understand that. It's not always my thoughts that are triggering this bullshit. I am pretty nervous physically sometimes even when I am not thinking about anything negative. Even when it's thought triggered it may not be a negative thought. Sometimes I need to be doing something, but at the same time can't get myself motivated to do it because I am so anxious I just feel like walking around almost in circles.

I'm seriously worried about myself, and I am not sure people see that. I can't show it at work because I could lose my job. At home nobody is there. I sure as hell can't call friends and say “Guess what. I'm turning circles in the living room!” It's bad enough my dog does that when he takes a dump.

I am isolated because I have to be with someone that makes me feel safe just to not feel insane. People don't understand that and how do you tell someone “Sorry. I don't feel safe with you emotionally.” That is a pretty harsh thing to say, to be honest. But with all but a handful of people, it is the absolute truth.

It's not always that they scare me either. It is that I need to draw on their strength to feel safe. My son calms me some because he won't hurt me. But he can only do so much to comfort and protect me emotionally. My mother… well, she is the root of much of my neurosis, so the fact she may be better now doesn't change that. My Dad is sometimes the only one I feel safe around within the family.

It's all so complicated and confusing. It's bad enough I have even wondered about ECT to see if it will slow my thoughts. My quick wits have always been a source of pride, but my conscious cannot keep up and keeping bad ideas under control is impossible. The mind may only be able to think one thing at a time, but what it thinks can be hard to control. My therapist has tricks that help when I'm there, but they don't seem up to the task in the real world.

One of these days I have to get better. Because I can't live the rest of my life like this.

Labels: anxiety, dating, life, medication, relationships

They have sent me some forms for my doctor. I guess they want to know if I can work. The poor lady has met me once and now she has to deal with all this. I know I can work, I just need meds that control my anxiety and don't make me groggy. They have to exist.

Maybe I can just telecommute. I have always had permission to work from home, so why not formalize it? Throw in a fax machine, phone line, Hi-Speed internet and some other stuff and all the sudden I have ahome office. Makes sense to me, but what do I know.

I am scared, but I'm not. Part of me realizes this is really just another episode that would make my life a good book.

I wonder who'd play me in the movie.

Labels: anxiety, insanity, life, medication, work

As you know, I post ads in my blogs. Yeah, I want some money from my writing because I'm scared to death to write the book everyone wants me to write.

So you would think that the ads would diminish the drama I used to get from telling true life stories. Guess again.

I had a complaint about the diamonds ad because I said I didn't have anyone to but them for. Well, Jeez, right now I don't. And after that I have even less likelihood of wanting to but one for someone.

No matter what I write I get drama. Ever wonder why I sometimes have trouble writing at all? I don't need even more reasons to be medicated. And these are people who know what I am going through. It's not even the random readers who think they know me!

Labels: anxiety, drama, medication, writing

Imagine this.

I have been seeing a doctor for like 3 years. For 3 years I told him that I didn't think the meds were treating my biggest problem,and he kept making changes that had nothing to do with what I was complaining about.

Finally I kept after him until he started making changes. He was the doc. I trusted him.

But, for reasons to be discussed later, I switched docs. And guess what, she looked at the meds I was on and said, basically, I was not on anything for what I was complaining about. Yes, I was on a handful of pills and almost every single one of them was for something that wasn't bothering me.

3 wasted years. 3 years of pushing people away because I was an emotional wreck due to the meds I was on.

Want to know why Scared Bunny happened? Well, maybe I'm not the only one to blame.

Labels: anxiety, doctors, medication, meds, psychiatry

People have been wondering why I am posting commercial stuff and not personal stuff. The reason is the commercial things kind of keep me occupied and I need to say something, even if it’s just for money. But the personal stuff, I just don’t feel comfortable writing about.

I don’t want to write anything that seems to be excusing myself, or pointing blame. But if I do write everything that is how some people will take it. On the other hand, if I just write about how bad I was and the things I did I am not being true to what happened or to myself. It doesn’t help anything to beat myself up or place blame.

I am not going to try to use what happened in my marriage for entertainment. This is not like writing about some woman who I dated a couple of times who ended up being a freak. This is also not like a woman who hit me, stole from me and tried to get me arrested and then turned around and asked me to testify that she was a fit parent. What happened is far too personal for even this site.

I have always been brutally honest when I wrote here. Sometimes I said more than I probably should have. But in a couple of cases I have said nothing because what happened is too important and real for that kind of treatment. I just don’t have it in me to write a Lifetime Movie Network version of events with a clear villain and a hero. That’s not what this was like or what it’s all about.

I also have been real hesitant to write about what is going on in my life because it would center on therapy and my personal crap, and I do not want that to be confused as me making excuses for anything. The reality is I wake up every morning scared for no reason and after the morning medicines kick in I relax enough to barely make it through the day. Then I go home, which I dread doing, and as the meds wear off I get more and more stressed until I finally go to bed to escape it.

I am in a holding pattern while I wait to start with a new, much better, doctor who will hopefully manage my meds instead of leaving me out on my own to try to find a way to make them work well enough that I don’t go off the deep end. I also am in slower therapy because the 90 minute sessions she needs are harder to schedule and sometimes I have to miss a week.

I am waiting for my hard efforts at work during a brief period of motivation to pay off, which will alleviate a lot of financial stress.

In short, I am waiting to feel like something less than a ticking time bomb.

So until I get the nerve to write about why I am changing doctors, I guess this will have to do.

Unless you want to hire me to write something.

Labels: ads, anxiety, life, medication, personality+tests, relationships, writing

One thing people ask me a lot is how I am doing. I know why they ask though. People that know me I have been kind of walking in the razors edge for years. I never really got healthy when I went through therapy, and I had decided that I could get by with just medication and self-learning. Of course that really wasn’t the case, and isn’t for lots of people.

They have seen how things like what has happened can affect me. Well, not like what’s happened because most of them weren’t around for my first divorce and that was a very different situation. But they know how susceptible I am to depression and anxiety and they get worried. I appreciate their concern more than they will ever know, but, to be honest, thinking about how I am is a problem for me.

Right now I go in and out of anxious states every day. Sometimes they get real bad and other times I am just fine. Lots of times there is a trigger for the anxiety, and the things that trigger me that can be avoided I just avoid. That would be like songs that remind me what I gave up, or even certain TV shows. Hell, I can’t even think of listening to country music without a problem.

But the biggest trigger of anxiety is thinking about what has happened and thinking about anxiety. If you take a body that is accustomed to running on the adrenaline and tension of anxiety, it’s pretty easy to get it back to that state. If my doctor hadn’t got me started on distraction techniques I swear I’d be dead by now because the building of the anxiety would never stop.

It’s kind of like the song by Blue October, “Hate Me”:

I have to block out thoughts of you so I don’t lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I’m alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home

In the opening to the song they play audio of an answering machine message from the lead singer’s mother. She is concerned about him because she knows he’s been upset and she wants to make sure he’s taking his medication. I have gotten those calls before, and sometimes the people checking on me now remind me of them. They really do serve not as a comfort, but as a trigger. They really do remind you how alone you are and how bad things really are.

But to those who wonder, no, I’m not suicidal. I am dealing with a huge loss and it hurts like hell most of the time, but I also am always focused on the fact that I can be happy and healthy if I just learn how to do it. I am working with someone who does a great job at helping me cut through the static a person with a mind like mine has, and who teaches me how the same mind can use that power to get better if you let it.

I think there is only one person I am close to who has been there for all of my bullshit over the years, and while he and I talk, and I go to him sometimes when I need to get something out, he also has not once probed as to how I am. He has been through a loss I can’t even imagine, and is just now coming out of the darkness. And he and I are so similar sometimes it’s scary. He knows that sometimes words meant to help cut deeper than things said out of cruelty. When someone insults me usually I can look at that person and realize there is no validity in their opinion. But when a person who is worthwhile says something that reminds you where you are, it really can hurt more than it can help.

So the answer to anyone who wonders is: “I’m alive.” How am I? Depends on the day, the hour or even the second. I’m not happy. I’m not satisfied with where I am in life or what all has happened. I don’t suddenly think I am OK and all is well. And at no point do I look at anything that has happened and say I am right where I want to be. But I am dealing with a situation where the best I can hope for is to be numb, and sometimes that is the best I can do. It’s something I will get through, and maybe I really will emerge on the other side a different person.

Labels: anger, anxiety, depression, hurt, life, pain, well wishers

You know I have to say it kind of frustrates me when people want me to date, or assume I am dating, or any of that. Dating is the furthest thing from my mind right now. I am really just focusing on work, getting healthy and my son.

Even if I wanted to date I couldn’t do it. When I think about being in a relationship it is all I can do to not have a panic attack. I don’t mean dating as a concept. I mean I can see people dating and all that. But if I think about me actually being involved with someone the physical symptoms start up. It is God’s way or my mind’s way or whatever of telling me to stay single. It’s not exactly something I am happy about, but it sure does make the decision easy.

I am not in any condition to be in a relationship. It’s kind of funny though because I am doing real well at work. I am having fun with my son. For the most part I am taking care of myself, my house and everything like that. I am even getting a decent tan. But this one area of my life is just not right, and I have to accept that.

My therapy kicks in to high gear soon. They are going to be using hypnosis to get me relaxed enough to get past my mental barriers and find out why I am like this. I am not talking the “you will quack like a duck when I say watermelon”. This is the kind of hypnosis where they are really just trying to get you to relax and focus. My doctor thinks I will be very responsive because I seem to be able to enter the state already.

The cool thing is not that I would be able to have a relationship if it works though. I know it seems strange, but that is not why I am doing it. I am really just tired of the anxious feeling in the pit of my stomach. I just want to be healthy. I really am not doing this for any other reason. And I have to say this is the first time I ever went in to therapy with a specific goal.

In the past my goals, if I had any, were vague. The first time I wanted to know why I was so angry, and they gave me an answer. Of course they didn’t do anything to make it any better. They never even really got specific with the causes. But they did a bang up job of making me angrier and meaner.

The second time I never found the right therapist. I wanted to “be healthy” but had no idea what that meant. I was always working on what was going on right that moment, even when I was doing ok with things. I needed a solution and understanding, and instead I got coping mechanisms related to things I wasn’t dealing with and advice to “get out more.

This time I know what I am trying to do, and my therapist is working with me on it. I want to first deal with anxiety, but not through just coping mechanisms but with a permanent treatment. If that means I need to revisit my past I will. If that means dealing with some ugly truths, I will. Only then can I learn why my ways of thinking are wrong and learn new better ways of seeing the world.

I think too many therapists are trying to find easier ways to deal with their patients’ issues. If the issues are minor then little coping tricks really can work. Some people just need someone to listen to them. It’s like the old ladies who get their hair done every week not because it needs done, but because they crave the physical contact.

I have a therapist who seems to like to get down in the trenches and fight the wars that need fought. I am not saying she couldn’t help a housewife who just feels unappreciated. I mean that she seems to have a mindset of finding real problems, real causes and real solutions. It makes me feel better about myself, and I see a light at the end of the tunnel.

It’s such a change, yet I still have so far to go.

Labels: anxiety, fear, life, relationships, single, therapy

I have to say life is interesting.

This time last year I was totally single and not even dating. I was on a self-imposed break from anything remotely resembling a relationship. I was not as much healing from the last relationship as I was trying to heal enough to be worth a good woman. I had been through a relationship I considered, and still consider, the strangest I have ever been in. I realized I was not in a good place for a relationship, and that something inside me had to change.

I was working at home and had virtually no face-to-face contact with anyone that wasn’t either paid to talk to me or happened to live near me. I sometimes would get a call and it had been so long since I had spoken that I almost couldn’t make a sound. I had friends, but only one of them was real. I was avoiding dealing with a lot of people from my distant and recent past because I didn’t see any reason to be involved with people who were either unhealthy or pushed my psyche to be unhealthy.

I had a job that barely provided for me, and dealt with sometimes not being paid at all. I had an employer that had promised me the world and delivered nothing. My boss had quit to get away with the bullshit, as had everyone else that did what I did. I was learning that contracts are made to be broken, and some people simply can’t manage. And I was dealing with the possibility I would have to stay in the job because of mistakes from my past.

Now I am dealing with the possibility of a divorce. I am married to a woman I love dearly, but I am learning that just taking time off to heal doesn’t mean you do heal. I have discovered that I have a disorder I never realized I had, and that being isolated masked the symptoms. I have seen that I never handled many of the problems from my past, and have learned what caused so many of them were something beyond my control. I have been taught that it’s possible I am not the piece of shit I have always believed I was.

I have a job where not only have they delivered what they promised; I am seeing the possibility of making more money than I ever dreamed possible. I am learning that success can be as scary as failure. I have a position where not only do I deal with co-workers every day; I speak with dozens of complete strangers daily. I am finding that I enjoy working and thrive on achievement. I have a boss who appreciates hard work as long as your efforts lead to production. We are measured based not on whether or not the boss likes us, but on how we perform. I am in a position where instead of being broke, I might have more than I know what to do with.

With all of these changes I am sometimes finding that I am confused. While I always had low self-esteem, I was able to appear confident. Now there are times I just can’t fake it. I have to do my best to hide it because the world hates a loser, and nobody will trust a man who doesn’t trust himself. I always assumed that if I found a woman that truly loved me and that I truly loved that it would automatically work. I am realizing that the person we are can dictate our present. I am learning that the past has power if we let it, and I have been giving the past control of my present.

In short, I am in a learning mode. I have to learn how to be in a learning mode while remaining strong as a father and employee. I am also realizing that I am not as strong as I want to be, and I can only take on so much. I am also learning that I can control my thoughts; I just don’t do it very well just yet. I am learning that I really do have to work for therapy to work, and that what I thought was work was just spinning my wheels. I am also learning how my childhood impacted me and why. And eventually I will learn how to retrain my mind.

I am emotionally drained and mentally exhausted sometimes. Not only do I have to work all day, even down times are not down time. I have to constantly be on guard to keep my thoughts where they should be. There’s not a moment where I’m not working on something, and when I do stop I pay the price almost instantly and then I find myself working again. Yes I’m admitting I am exhausted. But I’d rather be exhausted and see progress than be rested and live the life I did for 36 years.

Labels: anxiety, changes, life, psychology, relationships, success, therapy, work

I hate that this blog is getting to be so much about anxiety. It’s kind of boring to most people, and not as much fun to write about as the crazy ex stories. That said I want to write and have a few guidelines:

1- Relationship stuff is just between me and my wife. I write that for her, and not for general entertainment. Hence, it doesn’t belong here.
2- Kids and works have to be really funny to include.
3- No more talk about the exes. The past is behind me and it cannot hurt me anymore. Plus, why dwell on the many Ms. Wrongs when I have found Ms. Right?
4- No fiction

Add in the fact that true comedy pretty much always goes to “Tales off Sister Grim”, “This Is a Cult” or “Scary Personals”, and what you have left is what I am feeling at the moment I want to write. Frankly, that is often anxiety.

More accurately I am coming off an anxiety attack. It’s harder than hell to write truly anxious. But I want to get out what I was feeling. It’s selfish of me to use this space like that since most of you found the blog after searching “anal sex loving midget strippers”. If you want those stories go way back in the archives. Frankly I say start with the first post.

I had to tell my wife why I stayed in bed so long today. What it gets down to is that the safest I ever feel is curled up with her in bed. It’s not hard to get out of bed because I’m sleepy. It’s hard because that’s the best place for me to control my thoughts and relax my fears. Now, that sucks for her because, unless we have the kids, she will usually stay in bed until I get up since the clock is on my side of the bed.

It sounds pathetic for a man of my age to basically be afraid of getting out of bed, but I am. My wife asked what I am afraid of and I couldn’t really say. The best answer is everything. I am good at my job but it scares me because doing it well isn’t always easy, and success can be out of your control. I am afraid I am not a good enough husband and father. I am honestly afraid of feeling afraid. The anxiety and fear scare me. I hate that feeling. I am afraid of feeling it.

Anxiety is a self feeding animal. You get a twinge of anxiety and your body takes over. If your mind has bad thoughts, your body gets anxious. If the body is anxious and the mind has a bad thought it assumes the thought represents a risk, based on the signals of the body. Having anxiety is like always waiting to be hit. You are braced for it and expecting it. The tension builds and builds as you dwell on the fact you are going to get hit. Except the hit usually never comes.

I didn’t realize just how sheltered I was working at home all the time, but I was. Even though the work was the same as now, it was less stressful because I was in a place I knew I was safe. Nobody was in my environment I didn’t invite. And the hostility always came by phone or email, so I could just choose to ignore it. I can’t do that now. Yes I still mostly work on the phone and email, but I have so many more people involved if I ignore it I hear from someone else, so it’s even worse.

I deal with so many more people now, and I have to get used to that. And more people count on me. In the past if I was having a bad day I really could just blow it off because I was only hurting me. Now with people at home and work counting on me, I can’t do that very much. It’s hard to break a coping mechanism that worked pretty well, but I have no choice. Besides, being a hermit isn’t exactly a healthy coping mechanism.

So now I am trying to get meds adjusted, get cognitive behavioral therapy and treatment for a physical condition that may or may not be related to anxiety. I am making myself live the life I want to live even when it’s scary. I am seeing that just because we are apart doesn’t mean I need to be scared. Just because I have always been hurt doesn’t mean I always will be.

All of these things are rational reactions and beliefs. But the problem with anxiety is that it’s not rational. I have read of people who have their medication next to the bed so they can take them first thing. Their faith in the medication probably does more to eliminate the anxiety than the medication itself. But, hell, I’d try it if I didn’t think my dog would eat them or my cat think they were toys. Frankly I think I am on doses too low for my size, but I’m no doctor.

All I know is that I am going to find a way to end this so I can live the life God has for me. Despite all my mistakes, he’s put me in an amazing position right now. My main job is to not fuck it up.

Your thoughts?

Labels: anxiety, fear, life, medication, panic

I have to take a second and write something serious.

If you are one of the few that have read here for a while you know I have been treated for depression and anxiety. It’s been going on for years, and really I can’t say that any of my stories here in the blog have much to do with it. I wouldn’t say that the stress from them is easy when you already have an anxiety problem, but the events didn’t cause it, they just added different ways for it to impact me, and created new triggers.

But when I got married I realized I needed to do something. Doctors are always gung ho to treat depression, but they tend to let anxiety just slip through the cracks. I had a prescription, but it wasn’t really to treat anything. I was supposed to take it if I needed it. Frankly the dose was too low for my size, so it barely did anything. I rarely took it, which the doctors like because they hate you to get addicted, and they think not taking it means you are doing OK.

In other words, doctors are stupid.

But, when I finally got a job that required me to leave the house, I got more stressed. I was used to being able to just sit in my comfy confines. The only people around me were people I invited to be around me. My wife thinks she and the kids stress me out, but they really don’t. Sure kids can be aggravating at times, but that doesn’t stress me out. I only stress about being the right kind of husband and father.

So I started taking medication for the anxiety. It helped somewhat, but every day I would stress out on my way to work. I couldn’t explain why, but I would get scared on the drive. I gave the meds more time to kick in, and they didn’t seem to help, so the doc made some switches. Now I am waiting for that to help, and it seems to be.

But the thing that has helped the most came in reading I have done. Basically, I have to choose to be stressed. People think their emotions cause their thoughts, but for me I think something and then I feel the emotions. If I can keep myself from having and dwelling on negative things, I won’t be scared or unhappy. It’s that simple.

I am not saying I know the best way to do that. I am trying to get in to a therapy specifically designed for that process in treating anxiety, but it’s been tough. The first therapist I found cancelled my first session. I considered that a bad sign. Plus, when I met her, she was incredibly ugly. I don’t want a hot therapist, but I need someone I can look in the face for the4-5 months the therapy lasts. I couldn’t have looked at her that long. I swear she made me cringe, and still does when I think about it.

Anyway, the point of all of this shit is this. We have all been dealt a specific hand. Then we have to find a way to play the cards we are dealt. For me I have been relying on medication, but that’s not really enough. It’s like drawing to an inside straight. The odds are against you that it will fill that hole. I had tried therapy, but all they did was listen to me. Ultimately, even with the help of this new therapy, I have accepted that all of the emotions and fears I have are a choice.

I choose to be paranoid because I choose to think that what has happened in the past will happen again. I choose to accept the way I was brought up even though I rationally know it was insanely conservative, closed minded and tainted my thoughts on many subjects. I have to accept that on a lot of things I am not really sure about right and wrong. I also have to accept that being unsure is OK, and I can keep on going while I am.

What it gets down to is this. You have to take responsibility for your thoughts and emotions. We all agree we are responsible for what we say and do, but what leads up to that we seem to dismiss as being “just who we are”. But we choose who we are. The world around us may have conditioned us, but we don’t have to keep that training as part of our soul. That is a choice.

As soon as I realized I had a choice to be happy, things got easier. Even though I can’t really control my thoughts as well as I like, and I haven’t replaced all the negative training, knowing that I can change makes life easier. Knowing that those negative thoughts can be stopped makes life easier. Recognizing I am causing my own stress before it gets too bad makes life easier.

I always said the people that claimed “happiness was a choice” must have had sheltered lives or were total idiots. Well, I didn’t have a sheltered life, and I am telling you. Happiness is a choice. That may make me an idiot, but at least I'll be a happy idiot.

Labels: anxiety, depression, happiness, life, medicine