Mom, seriously... it's over!
Monday, April 23, 2007
OK, I don’t want to write about me right now. I am using a personal journal for that. One only my therapist sees.
What I do want to write about is how other people are a problem in relationships. No, this isn’t a backhanded way to discuss Tricia and I. This is about a friend I have mentioned before that has a situation I guarantee will cause a problem for her.
Here are the brief details. She met a guy and they “fell in love”. They were “together” for 3 months, but almost none of that time was spent in the same state. See, he is a military guy and was first stationed elsewhere, then shipped to Iraq. And, no this isn’t about military guys or long distance relationships or even Iraq.
This is about his mom.
His mom loves this girl. She loves the idea of her son being with this girl. She is convinced they are meant for each other and that they will always be together. In short, she is on crack.
See, shortly after they split physically, there was a misunderstanding. The girl spent an evening watching a movie with a guy friend. Now, I am not going to get in to the guy friend thing here, but I will say what he did next was stupid as hell. She has a MySpace and he left a comment saying “Thanks for coming over. Hope I didn’t keep you up too late last night.” Now, imagine what the boyfriend, on his way to Iraq, thought when he saw that comment. He flipped! He assumed the worst and, to be honest, I would have too. If as soon as we are apart my girlfriend is at another guy’s house, I am thinking something bad.
Well, they broke up. More accurately, he dumped her. She explained to him the situation, and he said he believed her. But they did not kiss and make up. They remained apart. To this day he will not answer her emails, chat with her and he has her blocked on MySpace and his chat program.
But the girl has become friends with the mother. And she is still convinced that they belong together and will be together. She has told the girl to date, so she doesn’t get bored, but by date she kind of means going out more or less as friends. And she wants the girl to be available when her son “makes up his mind”, because, of course, he will decide they will be together.
Now, the mother wants the girl to bring her kids to visit this summer, and to go to Disneyland and… you get the idea. Now, consider this. The girl has decided to move on. She realizes they are not meant to be together and has no intention of waiting for him to “make up his mind”. When he ignored the 50th email and blocked her completely, he showed his mind is made up. So how does the friendship with the mom affect her?
Well, first, let me say that a “friend” is someone with very few off limit topics. If you can’t discuss who you are seeing with someone, they aren’t a friend. And a friend isn’t going to try to get you to wait for a man who has shown he doesn’t want you. A friend doesn’t act based on their beliefs or dreams for you, but based on what will make you happy.
Imagine being the next guy this girl is with. Would you be real comfortable with your girlfriend talking for hours on end with the mom of an ex who is convinced the two of you are going to get back together? Would you want your girlfriend spending all that time at the home of an ex’s mother? Heck, doesn’t involving the kids send messages that there is a chance for them?
See, I look at this whole situation and see it is going to cause problems. The mother, no matter what she says, is not going to abandon her beliefs and what she has been actively trying to accomplish. And her actions, to me, are clearly designed to keep treating this girl as her daughter-in-law. Notice, the invitation didn’t even consider the possibility that 2 months from now she will be seeing someone. To the mother that’s not possible because this girl is destined to be with her son. She is trying to find ways to keep the girl available for her son when he returns.
I guess I just can’t see how this “friendship” is anything remotely resembling a friendship. I look at the mom’s actions and see motive clear as day. I also have some experience with moms, and I have to say they almost always act based on what they want for their kids, and get tunnel vision if they have a strong belief like that.
I hope for this girl’s sake I am wrong, but I don’t see how she can move on with mom hanging around the way she is.
What I do want to write about is how other people are a problem in relationships. No, this isn’t a backhanded way to discuss Tricia and I. This is about a friend I have mentioned before that has a situation I guarantee will cause a problem for her.
Here are the brief details. She met a guy and they “fell in love”. They were “together” for 3 months, but almost none of that time was spent in the same state. See, he is a military guy and was first stationed elsewhere, then shipped to Iraq. And, no this isn’t about military guys or long distance relationships or even Iraq.
This is about his mom.
His mom loves this girl. She loves the idea of her son being with this girl. She is convinced they are meant for each other and that they will always be together. In short, she is on crack.
See, shortly after they split physically, there was a misunderstanding. The girl spent an evening watching a movie with a guy friend. Now, I am not going to get in to the guy friend thing here, but I will say what he did next was stupid as hell. She has a MySpace and he left a comment saying “Thanks for coming over. Hope I didn’t keep you up too late last night.” Now, imagine what the boyfriend, on his way to Iraq, thought when he saw that comment. He flipped! He assumed the worst and, to be honest, I would have too. If as soon as we are apart my girlfriend is at another guy’s house, I am thinking something bad.
Well, they broke up. More accurately, he dumped her. She explained to him the situation, and he said he believed her. But they did not kiss and make up. They remained apart. To this day he will not answer her emails, chat with her and he has her blocked on MySpace and his chat program.
But the girl has become friends with the mother. And she is still convinced that they belong together and will be together. She has told the girl to date, so she doesn’t get bored, but by date she kind of means going out more or less as friends. And she wants the girl to be available when her son “makes up his mind”, because, of course, he will decide they will be together.
Now, the mother wants the girl to bring her kids to visit this summer, and to go to Disneyland and… you get the idea. Now, consider this. The girl has decided to move on. She realizes they are not meant to be together and has no intention of waiting for him to “make up his mind”. When he ignored the 50th email and blocked her completely, he showed his mind is made up. So how does the friendship with the mom affect her?
Well, first, let me say that a “friend” is someone with very few off limit topics. If you can’t discuss who you are seeing with someone, they aren’t a friend. And a friend isn’t going to try to get you to wait for a man who has shown he doesn’t want you. A friend doesn’t act based on their beliefs or dreams for you, but based on what will make you happy.
Imagine being the next guy this girl is with. Would you be real comfortable with your girlfriend talking for hours on end with the mom of an ex who is convinced the two of you are going to get back together? Would you want your girlfriend spending all that time at the home of an ex’s mother? Heck, doesn’t involving the kids send messages that there is a chance for them?
See, I look at this whole situation and see it is going to cause problems. The mother, no matter what she says, is not going to abandon her beliefs and what she has been actively trying to accomplish. And her actions, to me, are clearly designed to keep treating this girl as her daughter-in-law. Notice, the invitation didn’t even consider the possibility that 2 months from now she will be seeing someone. To the mother that’s not possible because this girl is destined to be with her son. She is trying to find ways to keep the girl available for her son when he returns.
I guess I just can’t see how this “friendship” is anything remotely resembling a friendship. I look at the mom’s actions and see motive clear as day. I also have some experience with moms, and I have to say they almost always act based on what they want for their kids, and get tunnel vision if they have a strong belief like that.
I hope for this girl’s sake I am wrong, but I don’t see how she can move on with mom hanging around the way she is.
posted by R. U. Serious at 4/23/2007 09:44:00 AM
I'm R. U. Serious
From United States
I have nothing to say. I plead the 5th.
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