Tell it to the marines
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
We interrupt this series for some insight.
Well, maybe insight isn’t the right word. That implies I have some sort of wisdom to impart. While I have had a lot of experiences in my life to guide me in what I do going forward, I wouldn’t say that makes me wise. A wise man probably would have learned his lesson long before ever getting slapped, having a computer thrown at him, ending up handcuffed and all the other things that I was dumb enough to let happen. A wise man also probably would only share his wisdom to those who asked, whereas I write this shit and put it out for everyone.
Instead, let me say I have a couple of observations.
There are certain people that just love being miserable. They love having people feel sorry for them and they love to make people think they are martyrs. But I have noticed something. In every instance I can think of, the people who are always seeking the sympathy are doing so for problems they created, or that they could easily fix. But they never seem to want a solution. They’d rather have a problem to bitch about than have a problem solved.
Let me tell you a story, as it was related to me. There was a woman who seemed to have some terrible luck. At one point, while pregnant, she somehow managed to come in to contact with an electric heater while taking a bath. Of course she ended up electrocuted, but she lived. Then she ended up in the hospital with mysterious stomach problems. The doctors ran every test under the sun and found only one clear problem. Her blood contained chemicals that one would use in a photo lab. It just so happened that she lived in a house with photo developing chemicals. Over the course of her life she accidentally took too many painkillers on several occasions, ending up hospitalized.
Now, maybe I am just a cynic, but to me it seems someone was trying to hurt themselves. I am not unsympathetic to someone with mental illness. In fact, I have been on medication for years and could be for the rest of my life. But I certainly do think it reaches a point where you have to say to someone “Stop hurting yourself and expecting me to feel sorry for you. You need to go get some help!”
But so many people aren’t willing to do that. In this woman’s case, the people around her have spent the last 30+ years saying the doctors were all mistaken and that they were all incompetent. In fact, they didn’t start liking any of the doctors until they found one who didn’t spend any time looking at the cause of the health problems and instead just treated the problems themselves.
My wife and I have had a lot of discussions about this kind of person, although I will say this case is extreme, and not one that we have discussed. But how often can someone seriously call you up or stop by with a “woe is me story” and expect you to feel sorry for them?
And, the thing is, in every case that she and I have talked about we both came to the same conclusion. The person doing the complaining is a lot more interested in complaining about the problem than fixing it. Every single case we talk about, the person complaining is either full of shit, or is fully capable of ending the problem instantly. But in every case they have excuses for not ending it that are supposed to make them seem either helpless or generous. But none of the people really are helpless. And generous is not the same thing as being used.
I understand that some situations are tough to change, but if the only reason you avoid doing something to protect yourself is because you feel sorry for the person abusing you, then you need a serious reality check. If you aren’t making sure you are taken care of, how much can you do for the people who truly need you? Are people around you suffering because you will feel guilty for telling some dumbass that you aren’t going to let them shit on you anymore?
And other situations are scary to change. If you have decided it’s better to be mistreated than to be alone, that is your choice. There is nothing anyone can do that will make your situation better until you change your priorities. Being alone can suck, but it can also be temporary. And being unhappy because you are alone is probably not any worse than being unhappy because someone is abusive to you. It’s not like anyone really
If someone is hell bent on fucking up their life, then that is their right. This is America and, for the most part, you can make yourself as miserable as you want. But if you want to try to make me or my family feel bad for you because of the repercussions of stupid decisions you keep making, I’m going to tell you to stop being such a shmuck. And if you keep coming to me with the same damn problem, and you haven’t done a single thing to help yourself, eventually I am going to tell you to go away and come back when you have your shit straight.
See, I just don’t like having other people’s problems dumped on me when they don’t care enough about themselves to do something about them. I am a very empathetic person, and someone with sincere difficulties would be hard pressed to find someone more willing to help than I am. But I am becoming much more pragmatic in my old age. And while God may not truly help those that help themselves (It’s not really in the Bible. Ben Franklin said it.), I am only going to help someone who is willing to do as much as they can for themselves. And I’m not going to sit and listen to you whine about how bad you have it if you are the reason things are so bad.
If you have someone whining to you and they aren’t going to do anything for themselves, why listen to them? Why let them ruin your day and bring you down? Just doesn’t make sense to me.
Well, maybe insight isn’t the right word. That implies I have some sort of wisdom to impart. While I have had a lot of experiences in my life to guide me in what I do going forward, I wouldn’t say that makes me wise. A wise man probably would have learned his lesson long before ever getting slapped, having a computer thrown at him, ending up handcuffed and all the other things that I was dumb enough to let happen. A wise man also probably would only share his wisdom to those who asked, whereas I write this shit and put it out for everyone.
Instead, let me say I have a couple of observations.
There are certain people that just love being miserable. They love having people feel sorry for them and they love to make people think they are martyrs. But I have noticed something. In every instance I can think of, the people who are always seeking the sympathy are doing so for problems they created, or that they could easily fix. But they never seem to want a solution. They’d rather have a problem to bitch about than have a problem solved.
Let me tell you a story, as it was related to me. There was a woman who seemed to have some terrible luck. At one point, while pregnant, she somehow managed to come in to contact with an electric heater while taking a bath. Of course she ended up electrocuted, but she lived. Then she ended up in the hospital with mysterious stomach problems. The doctors ran every test under the sun and found only one clear problem. Her blood contained chemicals that one would use in a photo lab. It just so happened that she lived in a house with photo developing chemicals. Over the course of her life she accidentally took too many painkillers on several occasions, ending up hospitalized.
Now, maybe I am just a cynic, but to me it seems someone was trying to hurt themselves. I am not unsympathetic to someone with mental illness. In fact, I have been on medication for years and could be for the rest of my life. But I certainly do think it reaches a point where you have to say to someone “Stop hurting yourself and expecting me to feel sorry for you. You need to go get some help!”
But so many people aren’t willing to do that. In this woman’s case, the people around her have spent the last 30+ years saying the doctors were all mistaken and that they were all incompetent. In fact, they didn’t start liking any of the doctors until they found one who didn’t spend any time looking at the cause of the health problems and instead just treated the problems themselves.
My wife and I have had a lot of discussions about this kind of person, although I will say this case is extreme, and not one that we have discussed. But how often can someone seriously call you up or stop by with a “woe is me story” and expect you to feel sorry for them?
And, the thing is, in every case that she and I have talked about we both came to the same conclusion. The person doing the complaining is a lot more interested in complaining about the problem than fixing it. Every single case we talk about, the person complaining is either full of shit, or is fully capable of ending the problem instantly. But in every case they have excuses for not ending it that are supposed to make them seem either helpless or generous. But none of the people really are helpless. And generous is not the same thing as being used.
I understand that some situations are tough to change, but if the only reason you avoid doing something to protect yourself is because you feel sorry for the person abusing you, then you need a serious reality check. If you aren’t making sure you are taken care of, how much can you do for the people who truly need you? Are people around you suffering because you will feel guilty for telling some dumbass that you aren’t going to let them shit on you anymore?
And other situations are scary to change. If you have decided it’s better to be mistreated than to be alone, that is your choice. There is nothing anyone can do that will make your situation better until you change your priorities. Being alone can suck, but it can also be temporary. And being unhappy because you are alone is probably not any worse than being unhappy because someone is abusive to you. It’s not like anyone really
If someone is hell bent on fucking up their life, then that is their right. This is America and, for the most part, you can make yourself as miserable as you want. But if you want to try to make me or my family feel bad for you because of the repercussions of stupid decisions you keep making, I’m going to tell you to stop being such a shmuck. And if you keep coming to me with the same damn problem, and you haven’t done a single thing to help yourself, eventually I am going to tell you to go away and come back when you have your shit straight.
See, I just don’t like having other people’s problems dumped on me when they don’t care enough about themselves to do something about them. I am a very empathetic person, and someone with sincere difficulties would be hard pressed to find someone more willing to help than I am. But I am becoming much more pragmatic in my old age. And while God may not truly help those that help themselves (It’s not really in the Bible. Ben Franklin said it.), I am only going to help someone who is willing to do as much as they can for themselves. And I’m not going to sit and listen to you whine about how bad you have it if you are the reason things are so bad.
If you have someone whining to you and they aren’t going to do anything for themselves, why listen to them? Why let them ruin your day and bring you down? Just doesn’t make sense to me.
posted by R. U. Serious at 1/23/2007 01:43:00 PM
I'm R. U. Serious
From United States
I have nothing to say. I plead the 5th.
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