Scared Bunny

OK, I was going to end my brief hiatus with the next episode in Sister Grim, to be titles “Sister Grim’s Sisters are Grim”, but I am just not ready for that one yet. It will be one of the harder episodes to write because some people will not understand because I am sure they will be too fucking lazy to read the series to date. That means I will have to explain some things all over again, and probably even include details I left out. I hate lazy blog readers.

Instead I am going to write about something that is always on people’s minds. It has been the topic of many people’s blog entries lately, and lots of people have commented. It was also mentioned once again on the radio this morning, and I think I need to add my 2 cents.

The issue is women saying they want a nice guy, but always dating assholes.

But I am not going to advocate being a jerk. If women want to date jerks that is their business. Besides, I am not sure that it's as true as everyone says. I used to be an asshole and I am sure some people still think I am. I didn’t act like a jerk to get women though, I just was a jerk. Hell, my main jerk years I was married, and I got divorced when I stopped being a jerk. And you may think that because of that I would say jerks have it made. But I’d rather focus on the “nice guys”.

“Nice guys”, you need to hear me and hear me well:

YOU ARE FUCKING CREEPY!

OK, I know that sounds mean as hell, but it’s true. Let me describe the typical self-proclaimed “nice guy”.

This guy picks a single girl and is loyal to her even though they have never gone on a date. This guy will treat a girl like his girlfriend within hours of meeting her, instead of getting to know what she’s like. This guy thinks that telling a woman everything about him on their first date and thinks that makes him “open and honest”. A “nice guy” thinks it’s the end of the world when a woman he has never met breaks her promise to call. This guy is the reason roses are so fucking expensive and cliché, making it harder for the rest of us to send flowers. In short, most "nice guys" seem like they are one bad day away from becoming stalkers.

Guys, I have been a “nice guy”. I even got dates while I was a “nice guy”. Do you know what happened? I attracted women who were either so damaged that I was suddenly expected to be a “support system”, or they were scammers who knew they could take me for every cent I had. Normal women didn’t want to have anything to do with me because I seemed desperate and pathetic. And, frankly, for a while I was.

“Nice guys” are always talking about how women do them wrong, but if you have been “burned” 20 times in 2 years, don’t expect sympathy from me because someone who keeps doing the same thing over and over expecting different results is a fucking moron. The reason you get burned is because 1) your behavior is attracting the wrong women and 2) you have way too broad a definition of “burned” and you take things way too personal.

Now, here is the problem. People seem to have a misunderstanding of what nice is. Nice means that you are not an asshole. That is all that it means. All those women you see dating assholes that convince you that only assholes get girls? They are the female equivalent of “nice guys” and they are attracting the male users because a user is going to want someone they can use. You aren’t noticing the girls that are attracted to normal guys because they don’t interest you. You like damaged women. And the only damaged women that will date you are not the kind that date assholes.

Guys, I am an overly sensitive, easily hurt, very emotional person. I have been through the wringer more than once, and I am not talking about not getting a call for a date. But every single time I got hurt, played or scammed, it was my fault. It’s not that it’s OK for someone to be a thief, player or user. But rarely does anyone take anything you haven’t willingly given them.

If you want to stop this cycle, you are the one that has to change. Until you start admitting you are the one at fault, you will continue to get screwed over, and you will continue to be unhappy. And the people around you that know you are “nice” are going to get sick of hearing your sob stories, and you will start to lose friends too. Plus, you run the risk of turning in to one of the “assholes” because of all the anger built up in you. And, trust me, karma catches up with everyone eventually, even if you don’t realize it.