Scared Bunny

For those of you that read, or at least used to read, this shit regularly, you know I have had my share of bad relationships. I have had women who lied, cheat and stole. Actually, let’s be fair. That was all just one woman. Most of them only managed to do 2 of those things at one time. I guess they just didn’t try hard enough. If they had applied themselves I am quite certain they could have done more.

I have had women hit me. I have had women that beat me down emotionally. I have been in relationships where I was so stressed that I couldn’t eat without having to puke after. I once lost about 50 pounds in a 4-month period because I dated a woman who had me so stressed that I literally developed an eating disorder.

But now I have a different dilemma. See, now I am in a good relationship. Sometimes, believe it or not, it’s actually harder for me. It’s hard for me to get used to the idea that when my girlfriend (soon to be wife) leaves that she isn’t actually leaving to do something that is going to hurt and upset me. It’s tough getting used to the idea that she will be going exactly where she says she is going, and not somewhere else. It’s difficult to adjust to the fact that if she forgets to take her cell phone it’s not just because she doesn’t want to have to explain who that man’s voice is in the background if I call. I don’t need to keep reaching over in the middle of the night to see if she’s there because she tends to wait until I go to sleep so she can get up and email her exes. When she’s a few minutes late it’s not because she stopped to get drunk or to do god knows what with a guy that is “just a friend”. And I don’t go to the pantry and find that a brand new bottle of Patron is not only now opened, it’s empty, but also that nobody will admit to having drunk any of it.

Sometimes I wonder why she stays with me. I say that because I do so easily get stressed. It’s not easy adjusting to an honest and trusting relationship when all you have ever known is lies and pain. I have years of conditioning that tells me that you can’t trust anyone you can’t see. I sometimes feel like the result of a very twisted psychological experiment. I have read many times about how you can condition a dog to salivate at the ringing of a bell. I feel like I was conditioned to have my blood pressure rise whenever I am alone.

I look at the dog my son and I adopted from the pound and I see myself. He had the spirit beat out of him by some cruel bastard. When he hears a loud noise he cowers and hides. And the rare occasions when he does something wrong he doesn’t even run. Instead he will sit and wait for a beating he is expecting. I haven’t been at that point for a while, thank God, but I can still feel the tension of something terrible happening. Only, just as the beatings for my dog don’t happen anymore, the terrible events aren’t really happening. The tragedies are now only in my mind, and only because I spent so long knowing what was happening even when I wasn’t there to witness it.

The hardest part for me is that all during that time, I was never wrong. I felt I had an instinct about what was happening. I realize now it had nothing to do with instinct. I knew what was happening because I was with women who were predictable in their pathological need to do things to hurt me. It wasn’t that I was so perceptive it’s that they were so fucking pathetic.

So now I feel like I have to be retrained. Luckily I have a very patient woman who understands and is willing to put up with my insecurities and stress. I think she sometimes looks at me and sees the same thing I see when I look at my dog. He is a sweet and beautiful animal who has the potential to be so amazing if he can only move beyond what others have done to him. It’s my job to bring that out of him. As an adult it’s supposed to be my job to bring those things out of myself, but I realize I can’t do it alone. She has been willing to be patient with me and to help me get there. Sometimes I do well, others I am on edge and in danger of sliding back to what I was. But even when that happens she stays with me.

I am a very lucky to have a woman like her. I just hope she can stay with me long enough for me to get my shit together, and doesn’t get tired of waiting for me to be the man she thinks I can be, and moves on to someone who is already where I should have been long ago.

Tell me how lucky I am.

Some people just don’t handle breakups well. No, I am not saying I am broken up. In fact, we have never been closer. We have a great relationship and seem to bring out the best in each other.

No, I am referring to her ex. See, they have to be in touch because there are kids involved. I totally understand. I have to speak to my ex every day and we’ve been apart about 4 years now. Granted most of those conversations come after I speak to my son and we make sure neither of us has a message for the other, but we do still talk. If you have kids with someone you know the best you can hope for is that you have to deal with that person until the kids turn 18.

In this case, the problem is the guy has decided he is going to win her back. I am not going to explain why they split because it’s not my place to say. Let’s just say that what he did is one of those things you can’t do and honestly expect your partner to be OK with. Actually, there is more than one thing, but the biggest one… Let’s just say that it’s the kind of thing that usually ends up on a Best of Jerry Springer tape. So, seriously, her mind when it comes to this guy is made up.

But, he can’t accept that, so he has developed a number of reasons for what is happening. Let’s see if you can spot the flaws in his logic.

First, she is using me to get money so she can get her own place. She doesn’t actually want to be with me, she just doesn’t want to live with him. But, she won’t let me actually give her any money or spend money on her because she doesn’t want to feel bad when she does leave me. And she will leave me because she actually wants to go back to him but is afraid that he will not forgive her for what she has done. And if I were a real man I would take care of her and she wouldn’t need anything in the way of child support from him. But, again, she can’t accept anything from me because she would feel bad when she dumps me if she did.

Now, if you think his logic is screwy, wait until you hear his master plan to win her back. First, he makes sure she knows how much he is hurting and misses her. This is done with tearful phone calls and lots of moping and pouting. He also wants her to know he loves and needs her and will forgive her if she comes home. Also, he will give her $1,000 towards getting her own place if she will just dump me and get a job. He will not, however, even make sure she has gas money to get their kids to and from school and sports because that is not his responsibility. To show his love, he makes sure to scream and yell at her as many times per day as possible, including numerous insults, primarily that she is using me, and used to use him, but is also not using me and is still using him. In short, she is, in his mind, a gold-digger, but appears to be very bad at it because she doesn’t ask or take anything from me, and he won’t give her anything, even to make sure his kids are taken care of. He also has determined a good idea is to throw away all of her underwear that was still at the house they shared because, well, that is sure to win her back I guess.

In short, my girlfriend and I are kind of dealing with a man who may need to consider the benefits of long-term in-patient mental health therapy. As I am not expecting this to happen any time soon, I am in the market for a dart gun like they use in zoos, with darts filled with both sedatives and medications appropriate for schizophrenia.

I am actually considering the possibility that this is a good way to treat obstinate people with mental health issues. Since expecting them to take their own medication is absurd, we would just shoot them daily with whatever they need. We could even charge people for the “game” of hunting these “wild creatures”. I think I just discovered a way to make my millions.

If you want to shoot crazy people, let me know.