Scared Bunny

So, what have I been up to? Not a damn thing. That’s not really true. There have been some interesting events, but nothing thrilling. Just kind of odd for the most part.

First, if you came here from MySpace you may have seen a bulletin I posted where I said I need a girlfriend. Now, most people understood that it was pretty much tongue in cheek. While I am single, and wouldn’t mind a good girlfriend, I am also not trying too hard to find one. I have a lot of other things on my mind frankly, and not a lot of desire to put up with bullshit.

But there were a few who didn’t understand the fact this was not a request for applications to fill the position. Now, most of these were very sweet and, while not someone I was interested in, they were nice people. Then there were the others.

First, understand that I have a theory. Desperation attracts desperate people. And, well, I got a couple of desperate people. Even the desperate people weren’t too bad. They were kind if sad, and a little scary, but nothing that is a problem to deal with. In a couple of cases I did have to block people, but that isn’t too uncommon anyway. Then there was one certain person…

See, she was interested. For me, this was not a mutual interest. This was a person that in almost every readily visible way was not someone in whom I would have any interest. I tried to be nice though. I didn’t just come out and say that she was really not in any way shape or form interesting to me. But she did get the idea because I didn’t return the interest. She didn’t take that too well.

Before I go on let me say I get some shitty messages from people. I have a blog where I discuss dating strippers and crazy chicks. I have another where I make fun of personals ads. On a third I run a cult. So, for the most part, I have something to offend just about everyone. But when I get these messages I just delete them and block the person. I don’t go off on them, even when it would be painfully easy. Even when they say hateful and hurtful things, true or not, I just let it go.

So, I kind of found her response inappropriate.

She asked what I wanted in a girlfriend, and I was blunt. Ideally I want a woman who is sweet, caring, honest, loyal, hot and good in bed. Ideally we want someone who is fucking perfect. If you ask me what kind of car I would want if I could have anything, it would not be the same kinds of cars I can currently afford. And, if you ask me about a woman, yes, I admit, she would ideally be insanely hot. Why wouldn’t I want a really attractive woman who also had the other traits?

But this woman was realistic in that she knew she was not hot. I will refrain from going any further than that statement on the matter. She also seemed to feel she was not good in bed. So she determined that it was her job to inform me I was not worthy of a hot woman. In short, she informed me I was average looking at best and had no right to expect a hot woman.

Now, while I have dated several very hot women, not every woman I have dated was hot. And I am not saying that you have to be a cross between Charlize Theron and Scarlett Johansson. I don’t expect anything of the short. But if I could have it I would take it in a heartbeat. Frankly, most people I know would want someone they found extremely physically attractive if it was also someone that had other traits they desired. There are some that are intimidated by good looks, or too paranoid to make it work, but they would STILL want the hot person if they knew how to get it and make it work.

So I will say that I still seem to attract some nuts. That said I have also talked to some very nice women, so maybe things are looking up.

Oh, and I didn’t call either of the strippers or the waitress. And I am not going to go down that path with the ex.

Go ahead. Tell me I'm ugly in the forums.

tags technorati : dating relationships MySpace crazy women
tags del.icio.us : dating relationships MySpace crazy women
tags icerocket : dating relationships MySpace crazy women

I have to say, summer is really not my season. It’s not the weather but for some reason the sleep disorder shit REALLY gets rough for some reason. It’s never great, but it gets worse during the summer. I have no idea why, but it really sucks. Plus, as this is a time when business is slower, it’s really a time I need to be working harder, but it’s next to impossible to focus when you always feel like you should be asleep.

Anyway, I have some thoughts. I suppose I need to update. Yes, I am still talking to that ex. No I do not see anything coming of it. I could list a shitload of reasons, and there are several, but all I can say is that I will be a good guy to her, but it’s not going to be the end of my quest.

As I have said before, she has a lot of shit going on. In the next few months where she works and where she lives will change, possibly dramatically. And the fact is she may want to say that she doesn’t have preferences that would make dating me impossible is sweet, it’s not true. Personally I prefer truth to sweetness. If both are available, that’s good too. In this case there is a reality that one thing she really wants will not work with us as a couple, and I can’t ask her not to go through with it. I can, but I won’t.

And, there is another little thing. There are certain people who like drama. They seek out a reason to be upset. These are the people that will have mood swings because of every bad anniversary. You talk to them and find out they are depressed because 6 years ago a 2nd cousin that they didn’t really know died. Or a friend of a not so close family member dies, and their day is ruined. Now I understand empathy for your friends, but when you make it about you it’s no longer empathy.

If someone wants to find a reason to be depressed, they can. There’s always shit that can upset you. Heck, if I want a reason to be upset I can just call my boss. That will usually do it pretty fast. I used to be someone who was easily upset, so I kind of understand. But I really think some people go out of their way to find a reason to be depressed. When you are looking for connections to people that die, which tells me you want to be depressed.

The thing I am wondering is if this is some kind of twisted coping mechanism. I really do think she needs to see someone about the mood swings, because they are extreme. I wonder if she has the downturns and then finds a reason. I am not an expert in this kind of thing, but it isn’t healthy. I feel bad for her, and hope she gets through whatever has been going on, but I’m out of the saving business.

In a related note, I am trying to figure out if not having called the stripper or the waitress is a problem. I have no idea what is the appropriate time to wait. It’s been over a week, so I am betting they have forgotten me by now. That could be a good thing in a way. I mean, it would have to throw them off balance a little, and if I were to decide to break the stripper and waitress rules, I will want them to be as off balance as I usually am. And, if they say I waited too long, well…

Of course, I may not be dating much anyway. Between work issues affecting my income, and my child’s desire to follow his grandfather’s lead and destroy my garage door (he is better at it than grandpa) I kind of think spending money will be tight. Then again, I could just answer all those Lotto winning emails I get. That would be good for a few million.

Did I mention I need a normal grilfriend? Apply in the forums.

tags technorati : dating exes relationships drama queens strippers waitresses dating
tags del.icio.us : dating exes relationships drama queens strippers waitresses dating
tags icerocket : dating exes relationships drama queens strippers waitresses dating

It’s been weird.

OK, first the ex. I have to say that I think she is bipolar. Maybe that’s not quite fair, but she has some radical mood swings, and her forays in to partying were certainly somewhat similar to a manic episode. So, as I am not a professional I will just say that it seems there are potential issues which should be addressed and could respond well to medical treatment.

Anyway, I wrote the post about her changing her mind early in the day, and by that night she was far less sure. I could list all of the things she said had her stressed, but they aren’t really relevant to you. While I do believe that someone can make some bad decisions when they are having a bad day, I also think that any halfway intelligent person doesn’t make any of those kinds of decisions when their mind is bouncing all over the place.

I have no idea what she ultimately is thinking. In a lot of ways it would have to be on hold anyway, and she really shouldn’t even be thinking about this kind of shit right now. She has a lot going on in her life and a lot of big will probably happen. Plus she is going to have to make some serious decisions, and it would be better to make them without being concerned about how they affect a relationship. Hell, some of the decisions she seems to have made already, and the fact is, those decisions wouldn’t work well with us having a relationship.

Despite all this, and more, she seems to be interested in something again, as for me; I am not going to make any decision. There are just too many variables. Logic does say to just bow out, but 3 years says there is something between us and, frankly, it’s not resolved yet. There are also other things to consider.

I would be lying if I said these other things didn’t include other women. Without getting in to a discussion of the details (because there are ladies I think could be serious girlfriends who might read this, and they would get mad and yell and shit like that.) there are some indications I am not quite as pathetic as I usually think I am. I was able to actually get 3 numbers in one night, all of attractive women.

Of course these women are all in violation of one or more rules…

Yes, 2 of the 3 are strippers. One of those 2 is married (albeit she says only for immigration reasons). The third is a waitress (in a strip club).

Of the three there are a few things to note:

Girl #1 is the least appealing. On a superficial standpoint, she is the least attractive. She is also the married one. She is the only one that gave me a “stage name”, so I assume she’s a player. She also is a racist, which doesn’t fly with me (found this out after I had the number). So we can dismiss her.

Girl #2 is the most attractive. She is also a stripper, which is a big downside. Plus, to be blunt, she is a stripper at a club that has some girls who seem to think giving head in a strip club is somehow different from being a hooker. I am not saying she is an undercover prostitute, but it does make one wonder. That said, she gave me her real name (unless she also has a fake “real name”). But, did I mention, she is incredibly hot?

Then there is girl #3. She is the waitress and, honestly, extremely cute. She is new to the club, and really seems to be new to clubs in general. She’s in a club where there isn’t much playing, but I have to expect that if she stays there they will try to get her to dance. That said, I am not sure she’d have the balls to do it. Honestly I am not sure she will last in the club. She is also more than just a little naive about strip clubs in general. Either that or she is the world’s greatest actor (Not likely given certain other things that happened.)

So, on one hand, I have 3 numbers of hot women who are all in jobs that I’m not supposed to date. On the other, they are women, and are hot, so that’s better than nothing and kind of makes me remember that I’m not as pathetic as I thought.

So, I have many choices to make. I have time though.

BTW…that psychic said August. I just remembered that.

Yeah, I'm stupid, and you can tell me in the forums.

Yes, I know I have'’t written in a while.

Actually, that’s not true. I have written. I even have a post ready, but I just wasn'’t happy with it yet. I am not sure it's any good, which probably means people will like it. In the mean time, something happened that I do want to write about.

If you have been here a while you may remember a woman who has been here now and then. She'’s the one ex I have ever considered getting back together with. She is the one I have broken rules for even after I stopped acting like an idiot in general. Last time she was supposed to come over and, rather than coming, she stood me up, despite having me stay awake until after 4am. Then she was talking to me and told me how sick she was but then, seconds later got an invite to a bar and hit the town for the night.

In short, it went badly.

So, despite my strong temptation to contact her after several months, I resisted. In fact, you may remember that I mentioned once I had been thinking about her a lot and was depressed because we weren't together. But I also realized that even if she and I had our shit together it would never work because of her kids. They are just very stressful for me.

Well, she emailed me, and being an idiot I emailed back. And list night she came over.

So she was here and looked great. We got along great. But there were little alarm bells going off for me. First, she had mentioned how she had settled down and had quit drinking. That was a good sign. But she had also mentioned that she had stopped talking to certain people whose lives were always drama and who always seemed to be involved when she did things she shouldn'’t. Of course during the course of our conversation the two main ones called and texted. She even took one of the calls. That started me really wondering.

But I decided I was being sufficiently aware of warning signs to take a shot. That is, until this morning. She has decided due to some sort of event on her way home that she is not ready to handle my insecurity. I could handle that normally, because I am insecure, but looking at what the issues are here, I am calling bullshit.

See, one thing I pointed out to her was that if she really has changed, she has to stop hanging out with a certain group of people. Every story she tells it turns out these people are somehow friends, family or in other ways involved with a tight group of people around her ex husband. To me, if you hang out with shit, you can’t be upset when you get some on you. And she will continue to have drama as long as she is involved with people in this group. I get the feeling she can't accept that.

In my life, though, I can think of an instance where I was involved with what I see now is an extremely dysfunctional group of people. At first I just stopped associating with all but 2 of them. I started to get a lot happier. Then I got rid of one of those 2 (a girlfriend of course) and got even happier. Now the only person I met through that group is one guy who was and is more of an observer than a member. Hell, the only person from that group he sees frequently is me, so that should give you an idea.

To me there are 2 things at play here. First, when you truly change your life you will not be interested in being with people that epitomize the things you discarded. Second, I believe that messed up people will always try to drag down the happy people around them. Misery loves company, as does dysfunction.

The funny thing is, she KNOWS I am right about it. She was talking about how these people were doing just that. One of them was telling her that her ex was abusing their kids, and telling her ex that she was abusing the kids. This “friend'” also would make up stories about their pending custody hearing to further cause drama. Yet, last night, she took her call. If someone did that to me I sure as fuck wouldn’t be talking to them.

I guess it’s good that she pulled this. It saved me the trouble and heaven knows drama was coming. Regardless, it sucked.

Make fun of me in the forums.

OK, this is one of those days where some things I want to say I just can’t.

I have been waiting for family to leave just so I could write. I swear I haven’t had a moment where there wasn’t someone looking over my shoulder. That kind of keeps you from being honest. Plus, it’s hard to do anything when they are trying to make conversation. You would think that they would tire of having the same conversations after so many years, but it appears they haven’t.

Not that having them here doesn’t give me material. I mean, shit, a man who can stay in a non-stop bad mood for a week because his 14-year old grandson wants a $150 pair of sunglasses is enough to make you drink or, since I can’t drink around them, write. Last time I checked, stupid desires are exactly what makes a teenager a teenager. Well, that and the fucked up belief that they know everything and that they will never, at any point, be older than 25.

But when you hold on to all that, you lose something. That type of crap must be written about immediately or it loses its zing! Hell, even the discussion of the 4 pairs of shoes I bought really isn’t so special anymore. OK, I like the shoes, but not enough to write about them (although they were half-off).

So then I could write about shit that has happened since they left, but there is a problem. The rants that are within me cannot be released. Doing so would unleash drama, and I don’t want any drama, be it online or in real life. I am not opposed to drama, just opposed to my involvement in it. From a distance, when involving strangers, drama can be pretty fucking entertaining.

But if I were to discuss these events there would be drama and I would have to deal with it. No thanks.

So I will keep this one brief. I was all ready to write about a couple of things, but it’s just way too late.

Oh, and my side hurts.