Scared Bunny

I swear if there is a woman bound to cause drama, I’ll find her.

Here’s the deal. I had a couple of women I was considering pursuing. I kind of thought I knew which one I would be interested in. She seems to have the best attitude, and was also very cute. Heck, if I have a type, she may be it. I even showed the girls to friends to see what they thought, and unanimously they agreed that this was the girl of those I was choosing between.

So I started trying to get a date. And there were a couple of signs there.

First, she mentioned she was getting a car. OK, so that can be explained. You can have car trouble and need a new car. When I got my Lexus it was because there was just no point spending a fortune to fix my old 4-Runner. So I just let that one slide, even though I was wondering.

Then we talked about what she did and she said computer stuff. Usually when you start talking about what someone does, they are a little more specific than that. So I asked and she did expand a little, and said that she did networking. OK. I accepted that. Yeah she didn’t give much more detail, but maybe she just didn’t want to talk about work. SO I let that go.

Of course she also mentioned she was looking to move to a different part of the metroplex. Again, something you may just let slide because lots of times people, especially renters, will move around. Can’t really blame them if they don’t have a lot of shit. Getting to see different parts of town and get a better idea what fits you makes sense.

But I really should have realized that when, in one conversation, you find someone who is looking for a new car, a new house and seems to not have much to say about her job might actually be someone you need to watch out for.

Now, first, let me tell you that there is not any real drama in this story, so if you want to hear how she freaked out, stole my DVD player and wanted to screw dressed like a gopher in a shopping mall, you may want to stop reading.

Here is what I discovered in our last conversation.

First, she did get a new car, but she doesn’t actually have it. It seems that less than a week after picking it up, she lent it to a friend. Several days later, she still hasn’t gotten the car back. Now, I am not saying what is and isn’t true, just repeating the story. It seems that the friend took it and has since kept claiming to be on their way back with the car. She has even tried to threaten calling the cops, and still she hasn’t gotten the car back. She also can’t go get the car because the person that has it has the only key.

And the thing about needing to find a new place to live? Well, when you live in a hotel that is what happens. I don’t know why she is in a hotel, because she doesn’t want to talk about it. I will say that she has mentioned an abusive ex, so I bet there is a reason related to that. And I feel bad if that is the case, but it’s got drama written all over it.

Oh, and the job? Well, now she doesn’t do computer networking. Now she is receiving some electronics on spec to sell, and her cost is so far below what she can sell them for that, if it’s for real, I will propose to her. But I tend to assume that the opportunities to buy a top brand $3,000 big screen for $500 are few and far between. For her sake I hope like hell that it’s the truth, but the whole thing screams of scam to me.

So, to summarize, her last ex was abusive, her new car was stolen by a “friend”, she lives in a hotel and her “job”, which has changed once already, depends on being given tens of thousands of dollars of quality electronics for less than 20% of their cost, with no upfront cost and the ability to return anything not sold within 30-days, despite the fact she has no store or even a location to work from. I don’t know, but to me it sure seems like an awful lot flying around one girl.

Of course I’ll probably go out with her anyway. She really is attractive.

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I have to admit I felt a little bad about yesterday. I hate thinking that a relationship is essentially the same as everything else in life: a competition. But in reality it isn’t, because when the relationships work it is because the 2 parties naturally assume their roles. Looking at my relationships, and even the things said to me by exes after the fact, when I assumed a passive role it made the women uncomfortable. They wanted a man who was going to take control. If I didn’t do that they were uncomfortable and, as a result, they did things they really shouldn’t have. Not that that is an excuse, because it really isn’t.

So I really have decided to let her just sit there. If she cares she’ll contact me. If she doesn’t, then I have no real loss. Looking at how she contacted me this time, she was still kind of assuming a position of strength. I was supposed to make myself available for her on her schedule. Last time I checked, when you fuck up you don’t get to dictate the terms for when you will get to work it out. If you really fuck up you are lucky if you get the chance to make up for it. And she REALLY fucked up.

Meanwhile I get an email from the girl that lied about her relationship status. It was short and to the point: “Did it really matter that much?” I like those kinds of questions in this kind of situation, because I can provide an easy, one word, answer: “Yes”. Hell, if it didn’t matter would I have decided not to date her over it? OK, maybe if I was looking for a way out and was a total dick. But more likely I would just stop paying attention to the person. Especially since we really had just started chatting a couple of days earlier. In that kind of situation it is really easy to just completely back off and get out.

I also really don’t see the point in us talking. I have said here and to this girl that I don’t try to be friends with a woman I want more form. I know that you really can’t be a good friend in that situation. Anything you say to the person regarding anyone they are with is suspect. And, to me, if you can’t talk to a person about something like that, they aren’t really a friend.

In fact, she just messaged me as I wrote this. Seems she wanted to chat like we are friends. But we aren’t friends. And I really have no interest in hearing her thought processes behind lying. If she wants to justify it to herself so she can feel better, that’s fine. I however don’t feel like hearing her excuses. She knew when I asked her that had she told me she was dating someone I’d be through with her. So, because she wanted to have a back up in case the other guy didn’t work out. I am very certain that when she and I were on the phone the night she told me what happened that he messaged her that he had changed his mind and wanted to be exclusive. I could tell by her reaction and half assed answer.

And I have seen this kind of thing before. Someone screws up and, when they get caught, they feel awful. But within a few days they have twisted things in their mind to the point where it’s not really them; it’s you. She said I am unforgiving, but that isn’t it at all. I am not unforgiving, just uncompromising. I see no reason at all to violate several personal rules I have set because she wants me to. If you are lying to me within 2 days I kind of doubt you are going to be honest in the relationship. And if you can justify it to yourself so easily, I bet you’ll be able to tell yourself every lie you tell is really OK. After all, you are just trying to avoid conflict, or protect me from something that might hurt me, or ruin what is otherwise a great relationship, or…

So, she went on a rather short list of people blocked from my IM’s. Most of them are actually spammers. But there are a few that were just so shitty that I had to say enough is enough and block them. In her case, I have no desire to play this game. I also have no desire to listen as she explains again why she did it, and downplays what it means. Lies are lies, and in this situation, there is no justification.

I am sure she’s been able to make herself feel better about the whole thing, though. I mean, hell, it’s not like she is still messaging and emailing me, so she must be OK with things…

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I’m not supposed to be home tonight.

A friend and I were going to watch the fight tonight. The plan was go to a bar, watch the fight and then when it was over, head home. The plan was perfect. By the time it was over her kid would be long asleep, so he could go over for some alone time. But things changed. She got a babysitter, which was not expected. Now, he was willing to go through with the plans, but I just couldn’t. I think if she cared enough to get a sitter, she must really like him. I could get all cynical and assume she made the effort after thinking he wouldn’t be available, but since they did go out together, I am betting that’s not the case.

That kind of killed the plans. He and I have decided to try to revisit Operation Asshole. I am not sure when that will happen because we have to fit it in my schedule with my son, who won’t be joining us. The good thing about volunteering to let him see his girl is that he’s coming to this side of the metroplex next time. That’s a pretty decent trade really. It was raining like a motherfucker all day, and I was rapidly losing my desire to drive all the way to Dallas. Granted, it did stop raining, but that damn weather was really trashing my mood.

Now, I did have something I couldn’t decide about, and this gave me even more time to think about it. Hasn’t really helped me get an answer though. See, as I mentioned that ex is messaging me. And she wanted to know if we could talk today. I said I didn’t know what we have to talk about. She then apologized again, but I am still not sure we have anything to talk about.

Here’s the thing. I don’t trust her. Let’s say she realizes she was wrong and just had one bad night. How many bad nights like that would I have to deal with in the future? I mean it’s not like this was the only time she has let me down and stood me up, just by far the most dramatic. The biggest one before this I had cancelled plans on a day off because she was supposed to stop by. I did hear from her…after she got home, and with the news she had died her hair. As a tip to the ladies, we usually don’t like it when you die your hair. We really don’t like it when you stand us up to do it.

But, seriously, I did care a lot about her…

Here’s the rub though. Yesterday it was her coming to me, hat in hand. Now, supposedly, she is going to wait for me to talk to her. She could change her mind and say something, but if I do say something, then I am in a position of weakness. In business we are taught something very key about negotiating when you have reached a point of contention: he who speaks first loses. I use this all the time. It is amazing how often you get what you want or need by just not saying anything.

So if I do want something with her, I have to decide. Do I break the silence, and go from being the one in the stronger position, or do I just keep my silence and hope she breaks first? I know the answer. I can’t go in to anything with her from a position of weakness. I have to be the one who is, basically, the one in charge. I hate that though. I used to like being the one in charge. Now, I don’t want to deal with all that. Of course I also don’t like being treated like shit, so I don’t have much of a choice.

Frankly, it’s fucked up. Ultimately, like it or not, someone is in charge. I tried being the passive one. That didn’t work. I’ve tried sharing it, but it ends up some kind of twisted power struggle. So now I guess I have to be the boss.

This shit is too fucking hard.

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I don’t like baked beans. I don’t really have a point to saying this, but I just don’t care for them. And, while I understand different countries have different tastes, but I saw a clip from Trainspotting and they were having baked beans at breakfast. They are bad enough for dinner, but really…breakfast? I can handle coffee, eggs, and bacon, even fried chicken at breakfast. But baked beans do not belong on a breakfast table. Just consider this a warning. If you are going to serve me breakfast, no baked beans. Oh, and no organ meats.

I have a bit of a migraine. Of course I mentioned yesterday that I had been chatting with one girl. Well, I went to bed early last night. Well, around midnight, so early for me. But I got up and saw she had sent me a blank message at around 2:40 am. So I guess that story isn’t done. And, of course the ex that wanted to settle down with me, until she found out that meant no acting like a drunk sorority girl is still messaging me. And then I hear from another ex.

So here I am, having chats with 3 different women, and I have zero chance of anything happening. That is a seriously frustrating situation. I’m not encouraging any of these conversations, but I am too fucking stupid to actually set them to ignore. I guess I save that for real assholes or nutcases. For the most part that would be someone that has really tr5eated me like shit or might, if caught on the wrong night, put a brick through my window. And even the dangerous ones have to be ignored at the right time because if they realize they are set to ignore they might decide to kill you.

I will say that I probably do pay them more attention than I should, even if it isn’t much. But I have been really bored. I thought I had a candidate, now I don’t. That means time giving them one-word answers doesn’t detract from time spent actually working towards something serious. Now, I am hopeful that will change when Sasha Cohen gets back from Turin, but I won’t get my hopes up. I’m sure she will be very busy. And I am certain I am not the only one who noticed her incredible combination of flexibility and balance.

And, she’s 21, so it’s legal.

I also came across an amazing phenomenon. There was a blogger that caused trouble at Blogshares. I first noticed him when he entered a mission I sponsored. He messed up the sell order a few times, and was gypping himself out of some fake cash, so I told him so he could fix it. Well he messed that one up too, and I didn’t notice and bought it anyway. Then he accused me of ripping him off. Being the brilliant crook I am, I had pointed out he was shorting himself 90% to gain his trust. After that was fixed he started to complain about not getting some services he’d paid for, as if I was somehow responsible. He proceeded to make an ass of himself, and expanded that further.

Well, in this little world of ours, nothing remains a secret. It seems he is one that has developed a reputation in blogland for being abusive. That’s not uncommon. And, honestly, his multiple identities aren’t so surprising. We’ve all seen that. Heck, even the conversations between his identities are not that uncommon. It’s a common tactic to make it look like you have support for your opinion. Of course lots of people have yet to figure out that their IP addresses make that kind of thing very easy to notice. But this guy has something I have never seen before.

He has managed to have several sites dedicated solely to ridiculing, parodying, satirizing and refuting his posts. I mean, we all expect this for a high profile site like Drudge to get a parody or critical response, but when all you are is a lowly blogger with a few nothing blogs to have been such a dick that numerous strangers start up blogs just to trash you, you have really done something. Hell, I’m a total asshole and the only parody site I have is one I set up.

I need to try harder.

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OK, I misjudged her.

No, she’s not crazy. She just has a little problem with the truth. In this case she told me she wasn’t seeing anyone when she was. But I guess that wasn’t enough deception. No, she had to add that she went on a date. (Hint, if you intentionally don’t mention something because it would cause problems with a prior lie, that counts as a second lie.)

The thing is, it’s not that she is seeing someone else. It’s not that she went on a date. We don’t have anything remotely resembling a relationship, and she doesn’t owe me much. But she owes me honesty. If she didn’t want to answer the question, she didn’t have to. Of course the only reason I even asked it is because she brought it up. I wasn’t going to even go there because I didn’t think it was my business so soon.

But once the whole thing happens, and she admits she lied, what exactly are you going to do? I mean, hell, here we are 2 days after first talking and we already have lies. If you can’t be honest now, when there’s nothing at risk, are you going to be able to be honest later on?  With my track record, I just can’t take that chance. If I had been less “forgiving” I wouldn’t have been through as much shit the last few years.

But, as is the norm, the story isn’t over. See, after a few minutes of thinking I made a change to my status message. It normally just says available. Lately I’ve changed it when I was sleeping, or when I think about the effort to save the Kronk Gym. But I decided an appropriate message would be “fuck it”. It really fit the mood. On one hand I was disappointed and hurt by what had happened, so anything with “fuck” is good. On the other, “fuck it” is a good way to put things behind you and move on.

This however caused an unexpected reaction. See, I expect friends to notice and ask what’s up. I hadn’t counted on the same ex that just last week treated me like shit messaging me. So here she wants to find out what is going on, and I am really not wanting to talk to her. But, I would also rather it not become a scene, which is exactly what would happen if I pretended she wasn’t there. So I told her that “fuck it” referred to all sorts of things and left it at that. One or 2 word answers usually get people to go away faster than if you ignore them.

Unfortunately, she then got back online tonight and wanted to know if I hated her. Again, the one-word answers are the way to go, and she did say goodnight.

But then the girl that this started with wanted to talk and I felt that one required an actual conversation. In short, I think we both understand that if there was a chance, it’s gone now.

So now I am tired of people in general, and desperately in need of sleep. So I will set my status message to zzzzzzzzzzzzzz and hit the hay.

Fuck it.

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I think my UPS guy is mad at me.

Last week he got in trouble for a delivery issue. See, I have a business account, because we use UPS for work. As a result they come here fairly often. Heck, I even have a cell number for a guy at the airport incase I need a pick-up and it’s too late to drop it in a box or have a regular driver pick it up. So, needless to say, I was more than a little discouraged when I checked tracking on a package and it said they needed a correct address. I did give them the benefit of the doubt though and assumed the shipper had fucked up. That lasted about as long as it took for the UPS site to pull up the shipping specifics and I saw that, in fact, the address was right.

So I called UPS and checked on the problem. It seems my house doesn’t exist. I looked around and, yeah the house is here. I checked the number by the door, and it’s the right number. I even checked to see if my street exists, and it’s still there. So I explained to the nice lady on the phone that the address was right. She did ask if the city was right and, while it’s not really possible to check to see if the city changed names, I know it is the same name that the city puts on my water bill.

UPS explained the problem to me. It seems that the driver reported my house doesn’t exist. They at first said it was possible the package was on the wrong truck, but based on later conversations I doubt that. So the driver was in trouble for saying my house had vanished when it hadn’t. Then I pointed out to UPS that I paid for second day air so 5th day delivery really wasn’t acceptable. They at first offered to have me pick up the package, which I didn’t much care for because it meant driving in rush hour traffic on the most congested road in town. But that wasn’t an issue in the long run.

You see, when a package has no delivery location, they are supposed to place it in a special area. The driver didn’t do that. Additionally he didn’t leave it on the truck. So nobody at UPS knew where the package was, making me picking it up (or even a proposed special delivery on Saturday) impossible. That would be reasons 2 and 3 why the driver was in trouble. By this point UPS was unhappy because they really had no option but to take responsibility. They hate that.

They did eventually find the package and get it to me on Monday, and the seller did refund the extra shipping costs. So, while I still think UPS sucks, at least all’s well that ends well, right? I guess not. See, I ordered some office supplies and the good folks at Office Depot sent them UPS. Today I got half of the order. Without shipping information I can’t check with UPS on the other half, but it seems only one of the 2 boxes arrived. And the driver, who did the UPS shuffle back to the truck stopped just short of flipping me off when he drove off. I kind of think the box in question is still on that truck.

But this time I am not pissed off. First, I don’t need the items yet, so it’s not a huge problem. Second, the shipping was free, so, again, no complaint. But the best part is that the good folks at Office Depot are accustomed to UPS sucking goat’s balls. When I explained what happened, they didn’t hesitate to remedy the situation not by finding the package, but by sending a replacement. The nice lady on the phone said they have a lot of these situations (leading me to believe my driver has a HUGE delivery area) so it’s just easier to send me another box. And if the first one shows up? Well, I just get free shit. So I sure as hell don’t want to complain until after I have the free shit. If I do that the first box is a lot more likely to never show up.

I like free shit.

I bet you wanted a dating update. Sorry. Nothing to say. We talked again, and then she went to work. I’m sure she’s doing something tonight, and I have my son this weekend, so the odds of anything interesting happening are slim. The closest thing I have to news is that I added a rule. If the picture is either so small, or so far away you can’t make out the face, assume you don’t want to. Trust me… I learned that the hard way today (and with a completely different woman). Thank God I found a hidden profile pic before we went out, because it was really bad.

Yet another reason to limit myself to one potential girlfriend at a time.

UPS sucks goat balls personals

I was reading on the net that some expert in England says the retirement age will have to be raised to 85. I was kind of conflicted by this. On one hand, most experts are full of shit, so I hate to agree with them. But it does make sense. When we set retirement at 65, we did it because most people never lived to be 65. The idea was basically that if you could pull off living that long, you should be rewarded. Now people live a lot longer, so raising the retirement age makes sense.

But then I went to Wal Mart.

Let me say something. I understand that Wal Mart likes to hire older people to be their greeters. And I accept that. But, certain things are just not right. I understand that the mixing of generations among the employees at Wal Mart can be confusing. And I also understand that the managers really should get a hold of some of what the employees wear. But no matter how unprofessional it is for their 18-year-old checkers to wear black lace tops that you can see through, it is just downright immoral for the 80-year-old greeter to wear one. Those smocks only cover so much, and in this case nowhere near enough.

I also understand that the 75-year-old crosswalk guard likes using his little cones to create his own traffic lanes. I get that he gets off on being able to stop and direct traffic. But you can’t just go around doing these things because they are fun for him. It really shouldn’t take 30 minutes to get through a 200-foot school zone. And you really can’t be using traffic for entertainment when it involves parents in huge SUV’s picking up their kids. Those people are scary enough on their own without the old guy slowing them down so long that, when they finally get out of the school zone. You delay a mom at 3pm and that 2 lane residential street becomes a 6-lane super speedway.

So we really have to rethink this whole raising of the retirement age to 85. I am fairly disturbed at what I saw today. If we had the whole 65-85 population out there in these jobs, I am really not sure we’ll survive. The people that manage these employees seem unwilling to discipline grandma and grandpa. I hope that is the issue anyway. I would hate to think the Wal Mart manager wanted to see this woman in something even Madonna hasn’t worn in 20 years. OK, I just creeped myself out.

And, yes, I know this didn’t get posted last night. I was busy. Sue me. I spent like 4 hours on the phone. Yes, it was a girl. Yes she’s very cute. And, no, she doesn’t seem crazy. In fact, she seems surprisingly sane. I may not be her type because she is so sane. She could surprise me, but I just don’t think she will. So don’t expect me to write about her. Sorry folks, just not that kind of girl. And even though I date them anyway, I really do always know. I just don’t see that this time. All the warning signs really don’t have anything to do with her being crazy or dangerous.

In a way I know this is a bad thing. How am I supposed to keep writing this blog if I don’t keep finding new crazy women to get new stories? Heck, the only real issue she has mentioned is an aversion to porn, because she had an ex that was a porn addict. I can take or leave porn, so that won’t bug me much. There is no content there at all. So I may have to revisit some old exes, which is probably OK anyway.

Heck, maybe it will flush one or 2 of them out of the woodwork, and that is always good for new content.

Oh, and I have a message for certain people, and you know who you are. Credits for Blog Explosion are really cheap. It’s like 1000 for $10. So cheating to win “Battle of the Blogs” is really pathetic. If you’re that broke, stop blogging and get a fucking job.

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I have to say, if I ran an online magazine, and I wrote articles about other web sites for this magazine, I would take it as a very bad sign if so few people read the magazine that nobody actually bothered to click the links I provided. Not to be a dick or anything, but some of you guys send me more readers than that magazine did. And this was the story in the prime spot on their front page. I kind of feel sorry for them because I can tell the spent a lot of time and money on that fucker. OK, I lied. I don’t really feel sorry for them.

I also have to wonder about a movie that really fucks up the sync between the sound and the picture and decides the best way to address this issue is to add subtitles. They had the money for a real cast. They’ve got Danny Aiello, Gary Oldman and even a young Natalie Portman. They did not, however, have any money to hire a decent sound engineer. OK, that is kind of a lie. It was made for France, even though the actors all speak English. All I know is that the fucking subtitles are more annoying than the fact the mouths are moving at a different pace than the words. My guess is they figured that, since the French audiences would be busy looking at the subtitles, they figured they’d never notice the mouth thing. Clearly the French audiences are not very observant.

Meanwhile, back at the blog, something interesting happened. You may remember the girl I was dating that readers kept warning me away from that I dated anyway. Then she lied to me and I found out. Well, she figured out I knew she was lying without me ever saying anything, so everything just kind of ended without me having to confront her. On one hand having a mess just go away is a nice change. On the other hand, the sex was really good. But I guess some things don’t just go away simply.

Some of you may have noticed that I removed this blog from my profile and also made the link on Scary Personals (The greatest site for pictures people submit for their personal ad that should result in their remaining dateless for eternity) a lot less prominent. I did that so I could show her that blog more safely without her just ending up here before I could explain it to her. That was dumb because somehow she found the blog after we were done. I actually wondered if she had based on a comment that was made and then deleted and. Yeah, it was her.

The weird thing is that it still didn’t result in any drama. I have to say that I find that just amazing. I would have expected my telling the story would have caused her to freak out. But instead she just made a comment that didn’t really say anything, and that was it. In a way that is almost more frightening. It’s like a time bomb waiting to go off. Now, this isn’t really different from any other exes, which have been proven to be time bombs. But this is another one of those instances where I could accidentally trigger the explosion.

Normally the way it works for me is this. I break up with a woman when she eventually goes away I don’t think about her for a long time until, suddenly, she pops in to my head and the next thing I know she is calling, texting, emailing or showing up on my doorstep. (The fact I know it is going to happen and then it does is really kind of scary.) Now I have one that might read something here and get triggered to make an appearance in my life.

Because of that I have been pondering what to say, or if I should even let it affect what I write. On one hand, I am really happy that things seem to have just ended without any explosion or police involvement. Also, as near as I can tell nothing is missing from my house, and my bank account is intact. I would say that she never did any physical damage, but that would be a lie. Like I have said, there are stories I didn’t tell. Not bad stories, just stories I haven’t told.

But I decided not to worry about it. I figure that if she keeps reading, and something sets her off, I’ll deal with it. If that is what she’s like, it will happen eventually anyway. Hell, there is one ex that a certain psycho bitch kept emailing telling I was writing about her. Since she is one I have never written about I can only assume that someone wanted to cause trouble. With people like that there really isn’t anything you can do because eventually something will set them off. Hell, you would be amazed at people who think something is about them when it isn’t. Yet, when it is about them, they have no idea. I actually like it when a crazy chick thinks it’s about her when it’s not. That kind of confirms my belief in their nuttiness.

So I will continue my almost completely uncensored tales of dating disasters. And if I get killed, it’s all your fault.

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I have a wandering mind today. Not sure what to expect.

First, I was really excited to know Jennifer Anniston wants to go out with me. I am betting she didn’t expect to be recognized, but she was. I am really surprised she even has a personal ad. I mean a chick like her has no problem meeting guys. But if she wants to go out, I’m game. I am not sure Vince Vaughn will be happy with this, but tough shit. Clearly he can’t please his woman. I will have to find out one thing though. If she was with Brad after he was with Angelina, I will have to pass. I am fairly certain that Angelina has some sort of rare funky disease, and I am quite happy being disease free. Sorry Jen.

Oh, and don’t try to tell me that someone was using Jen’s picture. Surely nobody would do that.

And while I am thinking about personal ads. Guys and gals…Red Eye Reduction. Look in to it.

I was going through the incoming links, and I have to say this one puzzled me. Now, don’t get me wrong. I love getting linked. I think what is said there is positive, and more or less being the lead of the article rocks. But I have to wonder why an Italian online magazine would be interested in my blog. Sometimes I’m not even interested in my blog. Maybe I am much more interesting if you run it through Babelfish. As near as I can tell they like the blog. It seems they want to talk about how some of us discuss very intimate details of our lives.

Well, yeah…I do. And as they mention, I have talked about “making sex” a lot. Mostly I do that because, as a guy, it is always on my mind. There are few subjects more guaranteed to get someone’s interest than sex. Who can forget this girl? There are people that link to this blog specifically because of that story. Can’t say that I blame them. That is one of the stories I have trouble forgetting. Damn…looking back at that, people really used to comment a lot more.

I think it’s funny, though, that I have attracted the attention of a writer in Italy. And an apparently professional one at that. While kind of flattering, it is also puzzling. Last time I checked I don’t write in Italian, so I can’t imagine too many of her readers will find this too interesting. I suppose it’s possible that she has a lot of readers that read English. I hope so. I like having non-American readers. In fact, I am really fond of those maps that show where readers are.

But I digress. Now there is someone in Italy who is using my blog as an example of blogs about the plight of the single man. I feel some sense or responsibility to represent my brethren fairly. OK, not really. I have little concern for the welfare of guys as a group. That could be because I know and understand guys, so I don’t have a lot of respect for them as a group. Perhaps if I were a woman I would feel the same way about women.

Actually, now that I think about it, none of the blogs written by women seem to hold men in regard either.

In other news, I was sent an email about a high school reunion. Now, for the record, this reunion would be over 2 years in the future. It seems the organizer (a person I have never heard of) is somewhat disheartened that we aren’t further in out planning. By we, I mean the class as a whole because, well, I don’t give a shit. I believe my class has had 2 reunions, but it could be 3. I didn’t go to any of them.

Frankly, I don’t like my hometown. I didn’t much care for my school either. The few close friends I had I am still in touch with, and not many of them would be too tempted to go either. If I want to see them, I’ll do it on my terms, in a location I actually like, or at least where the person I want to see lives. Amazingly, none of them live in my hometown anymore. Funny how that works.  I do know that anyone really stressed about where to hold a reunion for that class, over 2 years before said reunion, scares me. Not just a little, but a lot.

So, with that frightening thought I say buona notte, and remember, niente ottiene più lettori che il sesso anale.

blogs italy italian

I have to discuss something kind of serious. Not like life or death serious, but not really funny. If you read the comments (and you should because the few people that comment are smarter than I am) you have noticed an ongoing discussion. The discussion started when one of the readers said that if a woman reaches 25 and hasn’t settled down, she won’t settle down until at least 40. Some people have disagreed with that, but I think that they have misunderstood what it means. I do know they don’t understand how I see it.

I am not saying the ages mentioned are set in stone, but I do think there is something to it. I think there are normal points in life to decide to either settle down, or to keep avoiding responsibility. Obviously there are some kinds of responsibility that can’t be avoided. These people usually have jobs. They have some place to live. And often they have kids. But they really aren’t settled down. They are still trying to find something or still trying to live as if there are no repercussions for what they do.

Where the debate has come, though, was that some people seem to think being settled means they have to be married and have kids. I don’t think that is the case at all. To me, there are certain things that define settled. I think a big part of what defines settled down is what the person lives for. For example, some people live for their jobs. Others live for their spouse. You can live for your kids, family or even friends. But unsettled people don’t really have anything the live for. They just see what’s going on about 5 minutes in the future. To me, that is one of the main definitions of an unsettled person. And it is that behavior that makes them unfit for relationships.

I don’t see where being single and childless makes you unsettled. While settled people may be more likely to be married and have kids, it isn’t a requirement. Some people just don’t want those things. Others haven’t met the right person. Heck, some people just can’t have kids. So it’s kind of unfair to say you have to be married and a parent to be settled.

But I have known married people and parents that weren’t settled. Their marriages usually don’t last, and often they don’t seem married in anything but name. They tend to see their kids as either pets, accessories, toys or annoyances. So while people may think “settling down” means having a spouse and kids, I think it is much more a mentality. And that is why I give some credibility to the idea that women are either settled down by 25, or they won’t be until around 40. I think it may just be that if you reach your mid-twenties and haven’t felt the urge to settle down, you won’t for some time. I mean, if all your friends have settled down, and you haven’t, chances are you will start to find new friends that feel like you do.

I just had to say that.

Now, I have to move on to more pressing matters, like the weather. It is fucking cold. I know it’s not as cold as a lot of places, but it’s still fucking cold. I grew up in a town that has, on rare occasions, been well below 0, so I understand this isn’t really cold. But when it is below freezing all day when earlier the same week it was over 80 and setting record highs, you feel like you’re going to freeze to death. On the day the weather changed it was so freaking hot I had to actually run the air conditioner for a little while. Then, that night, I had to turn on the heater because it was about 60 in the house and my son was too cold. That shit is just wrong. Add in the 25-35 mile an hour winds we had several days, and the basic truth is, the weather here has sucked.

And when the weather sucks, I start to get sick. I know everyone has heard stories of people who can feel storms coming. I don’t have the rheumatism, but when the weather changes I get headaches. And when the wind bows, I get a headache. Oh, and when it goes from dry to damp, I get a headache. And then there is the change from damp to dry, which gives me a headache. In short, I have a fucking headache. I could list other symptoms, but that is the one that is pissing me off right now, because I hate headaches. Granted, the sinus shit is really worse, and I hate taking anything for it, but the headaches are much more common, so I’ll bitch about them instead.

Anyway, now I have a headache, am extremely tired and am getting a head cold, which will move down in to my chest. So, if I seem grumpy, we’ll use that as an excuse.



weather cold sick settled

OK, so the reason you read this isn’t what I write, but how I write it. I should just start reviewing feminine hygiene commercials and see how you like that.

Yeah, I’m just kidding. I hate commercials.

For those who want the details of the day, everything went pretty much as I expected. The morning was too early. I hate morning. It was actually cold today even though yesterday was in the mid-80’s. In fact, they say we will have ice storms, meaning no fun outside the house this weekend. The cleaning ladies came and the house is no longer disgusting and dusty, although they did manage to mess up one of the ceiling fans. The UPS driver reported the address didn’t exist (it does) or was wrong on the package (it wasn’t) so I won’t have my shoes until Monday. I hate UPS. They suck balls. The Playstation did come in because it was sent FedEx, which does not suck balls.

I have a fire in the fireplace, but noone to share it with, which is truly depressing. But I like fires. This comes from being a guy. If there is a woman we like fires because it is romantic, which means we are more likely to get laid. If we don’t have a woman we like fires because it means we get to burn stuff. We like that almost as much as sex, but not quite. OK, maybe it’s not that cool, but we do like burning stuff. So if you are one of my customers you can feel safe knowing I destroyed the paperwork you faxed over. Now, I am assuming I will not be needing these forms again. If I do…well, we won’t discuss that.

Normally I shred these things and then burn it, but I skipped the shredding step. Mostly it was skipped because there are no kids here that can shred for me. Kids like to shred stuff. I get bored with it very quickly. So what I like to do is give the kids a treat and let them shred stuff. Whenever possible I like to take chores I hate to do and make them a treat for kids. If I could find a way to make folding laundry a treat, I’d be gold. I am working towards that by hanging more of my son’s clothes and putting in a closet rod more at his height. So far this has not been embraced as a treat. I will not give up so easily though. Having hangars in his favorite color is, I believe, a step towards achieving this miraculous goal.

So, you have the days events out of the way, now, let me tell you what we would be doing tonight if the weather didn’t suck. A friend and I were going on a tour of various gentlemen’s clubs. There was a reason. First, we would visit the club where the ex had me come and watch her get naked and flirt with other guys. This is really a shitty little club, but an essential stop on out ho-bag tour. We would then visit a nice club where the last girl I dated was considering becoming a waitress. Yes, this decision was made just to be assholes. And the final stop would be a club where not one, but 2 exes have danced. Now this one is last because there is reason to believe at least one of the 2 is still dzancing there. Again, it was decided as part of our “be an asshole for a night” plan.

Alas, this didn’t happen tonight because my friend was afraid the ice would hit and he would be caught overnight in Fort Worth. I think he’s afraid of Fort Worth. It is understandable because there is a certain country feel to this half of the metroplex. But we would be avoiding the overtly cowboy places. Plus, if he got stuck here it would be at my house, which is not only recently scrubbed, but does not allow either country music or cowboy attire. My neighbors, while not my favorite people, are also not really very country.

Strangely, he is staying in Dallas where there is the annual White Trash Party is being held. It is my sincere belief that if there is an ice storm, my friend will be trapped in Dallas with all of the rednecks from Fort Worth, who will have traveled to Dallas for the festivities. In an effort to avoid the Fort Worth rednecks, he may find himself forced to deal with them all weekend. There could be some sort of Jack Daniels fueled riots in the Dallas area, and my friend will have no escape. Serves him right.

Anyway, I am going to close this out with this thought: I need a pedicure, yet I hate pedicures. Whatever shall I do.


Fort Worth boring bars strip clubs strippers white trash

I am so fucking tired. I am really fighting the urge to go back to sleep. In other words, I am not sure this mouthpiece is helping. My boss would kill me if he knew I was about to crash. But, hey, he’s not here.

Yeah, I took a nap. In fact, I slept like 3 hours. And you know what? I didn’t miss a damn thing. Why am I telling you all this? I don’t know. For some reason there are people that like to know what I do every day. I mean besides my mom. I don’t really understand it either. I don’t find what I do every day interesting at all. Usually, in fact, it’s boring as shit. I mean, hell, days like today the most interesting thing I did was work related, and my job is boring. I am not saying I hate my job, because I don’t, but it’s not interesting.

The strange thing is there are people out there who would love an hour-by-hour accounting of what I do. For those people, just assume every hour involves me working on a computer and talking on a phone. To spice things up assume I drank coffee until 1, and pissed a couple of times. Hell, if you want to get wild assume I took a shit at some point in the morning. If you want to you can even assume I ate something that didn’t agree with me and shit a few times.
Hell, to make it easier for those who want to imagine tomorrow I will tell you that I ate calamari followed by crab stuffed shrimp. I had some fries because I had a craving, and then I had bananas foster for dessert. Normally I don’t have desert, so when you are making up what I do keep that in mind. I will be up very early tomorrow, for me anyway. I have to get my son to school. I will then work, drink coffee and also have cleaning ladies here from about 11 to 2. At some point I should receive delivery of a pair of shoes and a used PS2. If you want to you can imagine on or both of them didn’t make it, and that will mean phone calls to find out what the fuck happened.

That is something I don’t understand about blogging. There are some very popular blogs, that I won’t name, where people living very normal lives just tell everyone what they do every day. I understand the appeal of good writing, but I have never been able to get in to something just because it is well written. I need an interesting story. I need a unique point of view. I also really like the stories to have a dark edge. But here you have insanely popular blogs where people just recite their daily activities.

And it’s not like these people live the life of Tommy Lee. Unfortunately the people that seem to lead the really interesting lives can’t seem to write for shit. So they eventually hire some ghostwriter, who tells their story, but they either embellish everything to make themselves seem better, or they protect people, so the really good stories don’t come out. That is the thing about blogging. There is a certain degree of anonymity so you can usually be pretty honest, but there has to be something to be honest about.

I will say that is why I don’t write a whole lot about relationships while I am in them, or even immediately after. It helps with the anonymity and also does keep from making it easy to tie embarrassing stories to people I may not be too fond of, but I have no desire to hurt. Of course it also helps keep distance so they don’t track me down and kill me. If someone finds the story a long time later not only are they less likely to see themselves, they are more likely to forget where I live. I don’t want people sneaking in to my house as I sleep and beating me with a baseball bat. I kind of figure that having dated these women is enough of a risk. Angering them by telling everyone details of their craziness is just dangerous.

So, what am I doing that I do find interesting? Well, I am trying to find someone else to date. No, it’s not for the benefit of the readers, although with my track record it is highly likely there will be stories that are blogworthy that come out of it. She has yet to show any signs of insanity, which is a good thing. There are potential indicators of drama, but I don’t have enough detail to be sure of that. She does appear to have a decent job, so that is a nice change. We will probably have dinner early next week. If there are signs of insanity between now and then I’ll let you know.

Also, I have to say that the fact we went from 80 degrees today to a winter storm watch tonight means there are also crazy people at the weather service. If they are women, I may have to date them.

weather boring life dating blogging

OK, I am back working on finding dates. Are you happy? You should be.

Just for fun I sent profiles of some candidates to a friend, and had her pick the most likely candidate for me. She chose the same one I would have picked. She said the girl looked like my type: young and pretty. This is true. Of the ones I sent, she was the prettiest, and she is kind of young, but not as young as I have dated in the past. But the interesting thing is that she also looks to me like the one most likely to have problems. I can’t really explain why, but something about her just says trouble. That’s probably what attracted me to her.

That should be good news to you readers because the more drama I have in my dating life, the more you read and comment. In fact, I think some of you are kind of sadistic, but that’s OK. The sadistic ones don’t know where I live, so I’m safe. Besides, if I can make one person laugh, it’s worth in. Not really, but it sounds good to say that. I actually would prefer to have a relationship that is not blog worthy. Just one would be nice.

So I was working on this today and something occurred to me. There are way too many fucking guys out there. I got bored and then was doing a little moderating. I swear it’s like 3 to 1 guys, and that may be conservative. I bet that most of the women that are serious can’t even come close to reading the profiles of all the guys that contact them. Hell, catch one on the wrong day and she’s going to delete everything in her mailbox. For that reason I realize I need 2 things: a better pic and a witty title to any message I send. Given time I can get something witty, but the pic will be a problem.

First, I hate having my picture taken. I have always hated it. In high school I went over 2 years without having a single pic where I wasn’t wearing sunglasses. I even managed to have numerous school ID pictures taken with fake names, all with sunglasses. The plan was to see how many could get snuck in to the yearbook, but unfortunately someone noticed. I guess they compared the names to the school roster or something, and since there was to Tom Harrison, or Harris Thomson, or even a Raul Allegre in the class, they didn’t put the pictures in the yearbook.

The other thing is, I have nobody to take the pictures anyway. I think I have pretty much pissed off every real world friend I had, and the few I didn’t piss off lives in a different time zone. I may have to take a trip just to get some decent pictures. I know how people like to take pictures on trips, so that might just work. Of course they have to be taken before I am too terribly drunk because nobody really looks good when they’re tanked. And drunk people also take lousy pictures, and if I’m drunk, odds are good the people with me are also drunk.

I am a little conflicted on pics though. The last girl I dated (The one I dated, not the ex I considered dating) said she was surprised when she saw me because I look a lot younger than the pics on my profile. Now, that is a good thing to hear. Having her say I also looked younger than I am was nice. But, assuming that she was telling the truth, it raises a question. On one hand you want to look as good as possible in your pictures, and clearly I can look better than I do in those pictures. On the other hand, it’s better to have someone see you and be pleasantly surprised than disappointed.

If anyone has any thoughts I’d appreciate them. Of course, I could just go to Glamour Shots.

[pictures] [personals] [dating]

First, thanks to everyone that voted. I know this blog is supposed to be about dating, relationships, anal sex and me getting slapped by drunk chicks. But the fact is I am a guy. I have a little insecurity about my fashion sense. I think that’s natural. And since one of you guys had the idea, I said why the hell not. Luckily, 2 great things happened. First, nobody said my taste sucks balls. Second, the choices you guys had as the top 3 were the same 3 I had picked. It not only makes me feel better about my choices, it means I won’t have really ugly shoes.

So I bought 1 and 3, and am waiting for delivery. I should have one pair by Friday, just in time to go out. I was told by one reader that #3 says sleep with me, and #1 says go to a movie with me. She and I have been debating which to wear for a first date. She says #1 because that will send the message I am not trying to get some. I say #3 because, well, I am trying to get some. I have since decided to compromise and wear one of each. Now I just need a date.

The other thing I have to say is less positive. It seems that despite assurances from IBM that they would send every possible part to fix my work laptop, they didn’t. They did send the new screen, which is great, but they didn’t send the motherboard (this will be the 4th) or the keyboard. So, I enter in to day 5 of using the backup laptop. That wouldn’t be terrible except not only are the files on the other laptop, this one has a faulty CMOS battery, so despite the fact it is a laptop, I have to be very careful with unplugging it, because if the regular batter dies, it forgets a lot of shit, and that is a pain in the ass. And, the good folks at Dell have decided that, while it is safe to have me take the laptop apart, remove this battery and then replace it, it is not safe to send me a new battery and have me do all of the above, except instead of returning the faulty battery to the socket I would put in a new battery. They are insistent about this because I can’t even buy the battery from someone else.

So, now that all of that is out of the way, I have to admit I am really having to fight some urges the last couple of says. I think there has got to be some sort of male hormonal cycle. I admit I have a high sex drive, but it fucking hits overdrive about every 3 weeks. And, yeah…it’s in overdrive. Those are the times I tend to contact exes. And it doesn’t help that I have 2 recent exes that I could really easily call. I am not saying that they would jump to get with me, but the temptation to try id there. I may have to hide my phones from myself. Of course that wouldn’t really work. I can only do that by accident. And then, of course, the phone rings, and then I know where it is anyway. So that plan absolutely won’t work. That means I have to actually have will power.

I hate having to have willpower.

Even if you set aside this rampant horniness, I have another problem. I really do not feel like meeting someone new. That shit is a pain in the ass. First off, ad anyone that reads this regularly knows, I don’t meet many people. I have a job where really all the business id by fax, email and phone. That kind of precludes meeting many people. Plus I have a home office, so I don’t meet people AT work. I am going to have to figure out something new. So far online dating has lead to the creation of this blog. Well, maybe not the creation, but it has provided a shitload of stories.

I actually had an idea. My friend Justin has a really hot girlfriend from Venezuela. Now, she doesn’t have any attractive sisters, but she has a on of hot friends. There are 2 problems with the though. First, they live in Venezuela. Second, they only speak Spanish. The first obviously creates issues. I am not about to fly some chick to the US just to possibly be my girlfriend.  I could go there, but Justin would have to go too, and he never has time to travel. Running a business will do that to you.

The Spanish thing is less of a problem. I have come to the conclusion that the biggest problem I has with women is when they know what I am saying, and when I know what they are saying. I am willing to test a theory that if we can’t understand each other, there will be fewer problems. I'm not just saying this only because her friends are insanely hot. I really do think that it’s possible that understanding and comprehension leads to problems and stress. I am, of course, looking for ways to reduce stress. So, now I just need to get Justin and his girlfriend to go with me to Venezuela.

Or not.

[women] [dating] [shoes] [sex] [Venezuela]

OK, here's the deal. A reader suggested that I should get blog rader help in my fashion decisions, so we'll try it. I have 5 pairs of shoes below. Vote for which one you like best.

1.


2.


3.


4.


5.

I am going to have to say something here I never thought I would say: I am tired of being used for sex.

The last 2 women I was involved with it was all about sex. And that wasn’t even because it was my choice. That is just what they liked most about me. Neither one wanted a real relationship. They wanted to continue their lives just as they do single. But they wanted to be able to call me when they were horny, come over, and just get fucked. It’s a nice ego rush, but it has a serious downside.

First, I actually do like to do things besides screw. I know that is hard to believe, but it’s true. I like someone I can go to dinner with. I’d like someone I can go to the movies with. I’d like someone who can help me decide if a melon is ripe. OK, I made that one up. I don’t buy many melons. But you get the idea. I would like to do more with a woman. But basically they just want to screw, and then they go do other stuff with their friends.

The other problem, though, is sometimes I want sex and they aren’t around. I admit I have a high sex drive. That works real well in the right relationship. But when you’re just a booty call, you only get so much response when you try to be the one to initiate the sex. Sometimes you can get them in the mood. Sometimes you catch them in the right mood. But for the most part, you are just out of luck. So while I do get some sex in these situations, it’s just not enough.

Now I realize the problem has a lot to do with choosing the wrong women. I really do know that I make bad choices. But you would think just by accident I would pick a good one once in a while. The law of averages would seem to indicate that would happen at some point. I guess I just have to keep trying. I get to keep dating crazies and you get to keep reading about it. Plus, at least the stories involve some sex, even if it’s not frequent enough and sometimes scary.

Anyway, I appreciate all the people that read what I wrote and liked it, or shared some sympathy and empathy. The fact is I really am doing pretty well with what happened. Yeah, it was a weird few days. In one case I knew what to expect, just thought it would take longer to happen and that it would have amore dramatic ending. I admit it. I thought it would be a huge blow-up, not just something where I saw what was happening, came to my senses and cut it off. I never assumed I would have the discipline to do that. And I certainly didn’t expect the ex was going to prove to have changed so much.

The real problem is that by doing better than I used to do about getting out of ugly situations, each encounter is good for a lot less content. My typical relationship is good for a week. If you have Heather you have almost a month. Hell, even crazy no lube anal sex girl was a full post and numerous additional references, and she was just one date. These girls…

Well, I have to admit I am holding back, but even with what I haven’t said the one girl is maybe 3 posts. And really 2 of those are more general in nature, with her actions just serving as examples. Don’t get me wrong, there is one full post that would be all about her. It might be enough for a 2-parter.  But in the good old days I could go much longer after a relationship. (Strangely, I can go longer now though…). I know it was a short relationship, but still.

This has me totally rethinking my desire to move away from dating crazy women. I am not saying I am ready to start dating strippers again yet, but I may need to lower my standards. I know there is the obvious notion that I should keep working towards dating sane women, and that may be true for some, but if I do that, I will not have any new stories. Then I will resort to re-telling the old ones over again. Admittedly, that could work. I could keep a constant rotation of readers, and hope they stop reading before I re-start the series. But would that be honest? I think not!

One other problem I have right now is that I don’t have anyone I am in regular contact with to give me advice on clothes and shoes. That is a real pain in the ass. Normally I have decent taste, but sometimes you want someone to run it by, and that is where a girlfriend comes in. Now I have to rely on guy friends. Did you know guys will call you gay if you ask them if pants make you look fat?

OK, so now that that is out of the way, I must go. Now that I am 100% single again, I have to start looking again. Do you think a 32 year old woman with pink hair is potentially trouble?

[sex] [booty call] [relationships] [dating] [crazy]

It has been a long weekend; I guess if you read this blog you know that. If not, go see what you missed. This post will still be here. Unless I decide to be a dick and delete it, which could happen. In fact, I might be sitting there watching the page stats, waiting for a heavy load so I can delete it.

I don’t really want to post bout all that shit now though. I don’t really see a point in it right now. There have been a lot of things going through my mind and I can’t even keep them all straight. But I am a lot less upset than I expected. I guess it’s a sign that I am doing better than I was before. I am not saying I’m thrilled with all that happened, but I have dealt with it pretty well under the circumstances. Probably wrote too much, but you can always skip it. Of course, if you do, you will be lost at some point in the future and end up making a comment where I have to tell you to read the fucking archives, and neither of us wants that.

So what will I write about in my normal post? Well, there are a couple of things. First, I also had another female friend that popped up out of the blue. I didn’t have a chance to mention her because of all the other shit. First, let me explain this is an online only friend, and in no way an ex. So there is nothing freaky between us to talk about between she and I. That may come as a surprise that there is a woman in my life other than family that I haven’t been involved with.

Anyway, if you have been here a while you may recall I had 2 online relationships years ago that were a huge mess. In one, she would call at 3AM just to make sure I was home and alone. In the other, the woman was telling this other crazy chick that I was stalking her, and telling me that the other crazy chick was stalking her. So, needless to say this is a place I started to avoid like the plague. Eventually it ended up not being an issue because the general dysfunction in the room was so high that it disintegrated and the lady that ran it closed it down.

Well, this woman wanted to let me know the room is back, with the same leadership, and she wanted me to come back too.  This was odd because the lady that founded the room, and eventually killed the room, is also a woman that hated my friend (and, I might ad, her girlfriend) so much that they had both been banned. But they want to give everyone a fresh start. I don’t think I‘ll be becoming a regular though. Frankly the whole thing was total bullshit. Too much drama and I just can’t believe that everyone is going to let the past stay in the past, or that they suddenly learned how to keep drama out of their lives. It’s just not normal for people to leave drama behind. I know my life is not showing that I can leave it behind me.

But that was not the only person to contact me. Someone else from my past wanted to know if we could talk and thought I was being paranoid when I was worried it was something bad. Let’s be honest, this whole weekend has been the type where someone signing on and giving me some really bad news would be a perfect topper. I can think of any number of things she could have wanted to say that would have been awful news. I hate to mention any of them, but they are all all too real possibilities. Hell, I once had an ex first claim I gave her genital warts (I didn’t) and then Chlamydia (again…not me). Granted those were both one woman, but still.

The funny thing is, I actually had some odd observations I wanted to make, but then all this happened. Oh well, maybe I’ll remember them for the next slow night.

I am in mourning today.

If you read the last post last night (or was it early this morning) you know that I had some drama with an ex. Basically we had agreed to get together when she was done going out on the town last night. But we never met up. You see, she didn’t call me at 2 when the bar closed. She also didn’t call me when her friend finished her call to her boyfriend. That is when you last heard from me. I was hurt because this is a woman that, while I am not sure I could be with; I at least could always count on to care about me. But she didn’t care. That was clear when she dismissed me as “just an ex-boyfriend”. It was clear when her friend (who has never met me) made cruel and insulting comments about me. And it was clear when, after they finished eating, she didn’t bother to call as she had once again promised.

Finally curiosity got the best of me. I wanted to know what had happened, so I called her. She was obviously sleeping when I called, and said she had just passed out at her friend’s house. I was angry. It was almost 5AM and I was still awake because she had promised to call. I had really wanted to see her, and not because I wanted sex. In fact, I wanted her here because she is the only ex I still have feelings for. But she mumbled and the line went dead.

I debated calling again for a few minutes. The hang-up could have been accidental, and she hadn’t said goodbye, so I called back. That is when we got in an argument. I was told it was rude to call at 5AM, and that she didn’t have to listen to my anger. I countered that what was rude was leaving me waiting until 5AM, and that there was no excuse for the way I had been treated. So I was told to “get fucked”, and she hung up.

As is my norm, with the sun already rising I went ahead and stayed up.

Anyway, after a lot of thinking I realized something. The woman I loved was not the woman I spoke to that night. The woman I loved would have never told me to “get fucked”. She would have never allowed a friend to insult me. In fact, she wouldn’t be friends with a woman that gets shitfaced on drinks bought by strange men while her boyfriend was home alone. She wouldn’t have blown me off when I said I needed to see her, and wouldn’t have considered 3AM breakfast at Denny’s more important than living up to what she had told m she would do.

But there is more. See, I had sent her an email before it hit the fan. In the email I told her why I wanted her here. The fact is, I did still love her, and it was wrong of me to break up with her the way I did 2 years ago. I did that because I was a wreck. I should have given her a choice, not made the decision for her. But I did what I felt was right, and I have been paying for it ever since.

In the mean time, however, she has made many changes in her life. I had encouraged her to stop taking shit from her mother and grandmother. I had urged her to go back to school. I supported her in trying to get custody of her kids. And she had done all of those things. But in doing so she made a mistake I have seen many times. She went beyond the joys of the independence she was experiencing, and went straight to being selfish.

This morning she called me. We talked about what happened and she apologized for not calling, but it is not an apology I can accept. I will never allow someone to use alcohol as an excuse for treating me like shit. I did that with Heather for months, and it almost killed me. It has been a long hard road, and it has taken a lot of work for me to end that behavior. She knows that, and yet she not only did exactly what Heather would have done, she tried to use the excuse that she was drunk. She knows much more about my past than I have said here, and she knows why “I’m sorry. I was drunk.” is without question the worst thing you could say.

As we talked she didn’t seem to see how her statements were contradictory. She tried to tell me she wanted to settle down, but she also said she was an adult and she had the right to go out and have fun like she did. She doesn’t see how you can’t be in a relationship and not answer to the other person for what you do. That is what happens in relationships. In respecting and loving the other person you don’t do things that will hurt them unless absolutely necessary. And, in my opinion, nobody ever “needs” to go get drunk off their ass, act like a tramp and treat the people they claim to care about like so much horse shit.

As she went on about enjoying not answering to anyone, I realized where I had heard all this before. She was becoming her mother and grandmother. They always said what they wanted and did what they wanted with no regard to how it affected others. And they are both alone as a result. While it seems great when you are 29 and still young enough to feel you have time to meet someone, you cannot meet anyone worth settling down with as long as you treat people that way. You will always attract the wrong kind of friends and lovers, and they will always let you down. As time goes on you will become more and more bitter, and convince yourself even more that all you can do is look out for yourself.

I do not know how many times while we were together she said she would never want to end up like the female “role models” in her life. But as she moved away from them physically, she moved towards them spiritually. Even the tone in her voice was not hers, but her mothers. The anger she expressed towards the world was not the thoughts of the woman I loved, but of a woman who has given up on the world and decided to attempt to be happy alone, even though she knew that the happiness she wants can only come in a world where she has strong and loving relationships.

I cannot say that she is not better off now. She was in a very unhealthy cycle before we met. I can say that she has traded one self-destructive set of behaviors for another. I am not certain which is worse, or if they are equally miserable. I do know that neither of them was a given, and that there were more opportunities ahead of her than she could dream in a million lifetimes. But it seems she has abandoned those dreams and decided to follow in the footsteps of 2 women she always saw as truly unhappy. And because of this decision, I cry.

So today I mourn the death of a woman that I loved. But even worse, I mourn the woman that has taken her place. I cry for a world that now has one more person who will do what feels good at the moment at the expense of not only those around her, but at the expense of her own ultimate happiness. I cry because there is one more person who will not only bring pain to herself and others, but will encourage those around her to model this attitude. And I cry because not only did I lose a woman I loved, the world will never see the woman I knew she could be.

[love][relationships] [pain] [women]

OK, I had a moment of weakness.

Just by coincidence one of my old exes IM’d me today. We were just chatting when she mentioned she was coming to Ft. Worth. I told her she should stop by, and she said she might. But she was going out with a friend, and said she would like to, but probably couldn’t. They had plans to close down a bar and then go get matching tattoos. Right there I should have wised up and remembered why we broke up, but I didn’t. Instead, still smarting from having been lied to, I said she could come over after anyway. So she said she would call when they left the bar.

When closing time rolled around I started to get anxious though, because I was afraid I wasn’t going to get that call. I waited a while and finally decided I should just call. It would answer my question and I could at least go to bed. But when she answered she said she was going to call when they got to the tattoo shop. So we talked a bit, and then the other girl, clearly trashed, said she needed the phone to call her boyfriend. Again, right there, I should have wised up. I don’t know about this girl, but my ex and I are too old to act the way she was acting, yelling at me about how guys had been hanging on them.

See, when a woman with a boyfriend is going out, getting trashed and flirting with guys, that is not the kind of person I want to be around. To me, that is just shitty behavior. If they’re happy, good for them, but I just think it’s disrespectful. Frankly I’d say a guy that doesn’t mind his girlfriend doing that doesn’t care much about her, and a woman that would do it doesn’t care too much about her boyfriend. But that is neither here nor there for my story.

So she let her friend use the phone and then called me again. It seems the tattoo place was closed, so they stopped to eat. I pointed out that if they were just going to eat they could have invited me if she was serious. But of course that wasn’t going to happen as they were across town and had already ordered. That is when the drunk girl shouted I should “stop being a baby”. I replied, “Tell her to stop being a drunk ass bitch.” I don’t think my ex liked that, and she didn’t pass it on. And I think that guaranteed she wasn’t going to be stopping by.

On one hand, this really hurts, because I do care about this girl. But she is living a life I do not want to be a part of. What they did tonight is the kind of thing she would want to do even if we were a couple. I would have nights just like this, and I don’t want that. I also would have to deal with the kinds of friends she seems drawn to. These women are always going through drama in their relationships because they want to be a couple, but live as if they are single.

That is something she just doesn’t get. Ultimately she says she wants to settle down and possibly even remarry. But at the same time she wants to live a life and have friends that just do not go along with those goals. She can, with the help of her mother and the state, be a mother, student and worker. But when you add in a husband or real boyfriend, things change. You can’t be going out and doing things like this if you are in a relationship, and that is what she missed when we were together.

The amazing thing to me is that she, and many of her friends, complains when the men in their life do the same thing. And to be honest it is not near the same when guys go out. See, when these girls go out men are buying them drinks, hitting on them and even grabbing them. When guys go out, there aren’t nearly as many women approaching them. So a guy can go out and literally never deal with a woman besides his waitress. I have never heard a woman go out and not have some stories involving guys that tried to get with her.

One of the commenters had a theory on my last semi-girlfriend. She said that if a woman is not settled down at 25 she wouldn’t settle down until 40. I am not saying this is necessarily true, but I have realized something. When you take a young single mom, if she is not settled down, you need to steer clear. If having kids hasn’t settled them, nothing will. I now look back on so many of the women I have dated and I see that. These are women that had children too young, and seem to be rebelling against what that means. They look to have a part of their life not tied down by the responsibility they are burdened with as a mother.

But if you are going to date one of those women, you are in that part of their life where they are fighting the life they truly should be living. Maybe if I were younger and just looking to fuck that would be OK. But I can’t live that life. I was married too young myself, and stayed married, and settled, during that whole time I would have possibly been comfortable with having casual relationships. Now I am at a point where if I have a relationship it needs to be at least somewhat settled and calm. So I guess I need to look for something different than what I keep finding.

That or just wait for my mid-life crisis.

[women][relationships][singles][dating][drunks][mid-live crisis][single moms]

I am always surprised at how stupid scientists are.

You may have heard about a drug called Levitra. Basically this is a drug that helps men get a hard on. I know there is more to it than that, but those are the basics. The general idea is that if a man has trouble “rising to the occasion” he can pop one of these pills and end up with a dick as hard as any he has ever had. That is, of course, something that men want. If you can’t get hard, you really can’t have that much fun in the sack.

Well, these researchers decided to see what other uses there might be for the drug. If you have had much experience with medication you know that there are all sorts of “off label” uses for drugs. It can take a while for the FDA to approve these uses, but lots of doctors will go ahead and prescribe it if the evidence shows it will help. It’s not like there isn’t a reason to take advantage of the things listed as “side effects” in studies if they can benefit someone.

So they are going through these studies and discovered something. Men on Levitra had marked improvement in their depression, if they had depression to begin with.

I have to say: no shit! You mean to tell me that a guy who can’t have sex because he can’t get it up might be depressed? And that same guy is less depressed when he can get some ass? Did it actually take some research scientist to realize that? I wonder how much it cost to determine that men that get laid are happier than men that don’t. Next thing you’ll tell me, research will determine that people who shoot themselves in the head are more likely to commit s