Dude... it's over... seriously
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
Some people just don’t handle breakups well. No, I am not saying I am broken up. In fact, we have never been closer. We have a great relationship and seem to bring out the best in each other.
No, I am referring to her ex. See, they have to be in touch because there are kids involved. I totally understand. I have to speak to my ex every day and we’ve been apart about 4 years now. Granted most of those conversations come after I speak to my son and we make sure neither of us has a message for the other, but we do still talk. If you have kids with someone you know the best you can hope for is that you have to deal with that person until the kids turn 18.
In this case, the problem is the guy has decided he is going to win her back. I am not going to explain why they split because it’s not my place to say. Let’s just say that what he did is one of those things you can’t do and honestly expect your partner to be OK with. Actually, there is more than one thing, but the biggest one… Let’s just say that it’s the kind of thing that usually ends up on a Best of Jerry Springer tape. So, seriously, her mind when it comes to this guy is made up.
But, he can’t accept that, so he has developed a number of reasons for what is happening. Let’s see if you can spot the flaws in his logic.
First, she is using me to get money so she can get her own place. She doesn’t actually want to be with me, she just doesn’t want to live with him. But, she won’t let me actually give her any money or spend money on her because she doesn’t want to feel bad when she does leave me. And she will leave me because she actually wants to go back to him but is afraid that he will not forgive her for what she has done. And if I were a real man I would take care of her and she wouldn’t need anything in the way of child support from him. But, again, she can’t accept anything from me because she would feel bad when she dumps me if she did.
Now, if you think his logic is screwy, wait until you hear his master plan to win her back. First, he makes sure she knows how much he is hurting and misses her. This is done with tearful phone calls and lots of moping and pouting. He also wants her to know he loves and needs her and will forgive her if she comes home. Also, he will give her $1,000 towards getting her own place if she will just dump me and get a job. He will not, however, even make sure she has gas money to get their kids to and from school and sports because that is not his responsibility. To show his love, he makes sure to scream and yell at her as many times per day as possible, including numerous insults, primarily that she is using me, and used to use him, but is also not using me and is still using him. In short, she is, in his mind, a gold-digger, but appears to be very bad at it because she doesn’t ask or take anything from me, and he won’t give her anything, even to make sure his kids are taken care of. He also has determined a good idea is to throw away all of her underwear that was still at the house they shared because, well, that is sure to win her back I guess.
In short, my girlfriend and I are kind of dealing with a man who may need to consider the benefits of long-term in-patient mental health therapy. As I am not expecting this to happen any time soon, I am in the market for a dart gun like they use in zoos, with darts filled with both sedatives and medications appropriate for schizophrenia.
I am actually considering the possibility that this is a good way to treat obstinate people with mental health issues. Since expecting them to take their own medication is absurd, we would just shoot them daily with whatever they need. We could even charge people for the “game” of hunting these “wild creatures”. I think I just discovered a way to make my millions.
If you want to shoot crazy people, let me know.
No, I am referring to her ex. See, they have to be in touch because there are kids involved. I totally understand. I have to speak to my ex every day and we’ve been apart about 4 years now. Granted most of those conversations come after I speak to my son and we make sure neither of us has a message for the other, but we do still talk. If you have kids with someone you know the best you can hope for is that you have to deal with that person until the kids turn 18.
In this case, the problem is the guy has decided he is going to win her back. I am not going to explain why they split because it’s not my place to say. Let’s just say that what he did is one of those things you can’t do and honestly expect your partner to be OK with. Actually, there is more than one thing, but the biggest one… Let’s just say that it’s the kind of thing that usually ends up on a Best of Jerry Springer tape. So, seriously, her mind when it comes to this guy is made up.
But, he can’t accept that, so he has developed a number of reasons for what is happening. Let’s see if you can spot the flaws in his logic.
First, she is using me to get money so she can get her own place. She doesn’t actually want to be with me, she just doesn’t want to live with him. But, she won’t let me actually give her any money or spend money on her because she doesn’t want to feel bad when she does leave me. And she will leave me because she actually wants to go back to him but is afraid that he will not forgive her for what she has done. And if I were a real man I would take care of her and she wouldn’t need anything in the way of child support from him. But, again, she can’t accept anything from me because she would feel bad when she dumps me if she did.
Now, if you think his logic is screwy, wait until you hear his master plan to win her back. First, he makes sure she knows how much he is hurting and misses her. This is done with tearful phone calls and lots of moping and pouting. He also wants her to know he loves and needs her and will forgive her if she comes home. Also, he will give her $1,000 towards getting her own place if she will just dump me and get a job. He will not, however, even make sure she has gas money to get their kids to and from school and sports because that is not his responsibility. To show his love, he makes sure to scream and yell at her as many times per day as possible, including numerous insults, primarily that she is using me, and used to use him, but is also not using me and is still using him. In short, she is, in his mind, a gold-digger, but appears to be very bad at it because she doesn’t ask or take anything from me, and he won’t give her anything, even to make sure his kids are taken care of. He also has determined a good idea is to throw away all of her underwear that was still at the house they shared because, well, that is sure to win her back I guess.
In short, my girlfriend and I are kind of dealing with a man who may need to consider the benefits of long-term in-patient mental health therapy. As I am not expecting this to happen any time soon, I am in the market for a dart gun like they use in zoos, with darts filled with both sedatives and medications appropriate for schizophrenia.
I am actually considering the possibility that this is a good way to treat obstinate people with mental health issues. Since expecting them to take their own medication is absurd, we would just shoot them daily with whatever they need. We could even charge people for the “game” of hunting these “wild creatures”. I think I just discovered a way to make my millions.
If you want to shoot crazy people, let me know.
posted by R. U. Serious at 10/03/2006 02:03:00 PM
I'm R. U. Serious
From United States
I have nothing to say. I plead the 5th.
1 Comments:
Wow. Seriously, I totally understand and appreciate the true Springer-esquesness of the whole situation... you should read my post entitled "You..."
It's funny how people who are fucked up in the head try to rationalize in the strangest ways... as if somehow it should make sense to at least one other soul on the planet.
I have a friend who writes/illustrates a comic book that NO ONE is allowed to see... this has been going on for at least 10 years now. He writes what happens in his life into the comic book, although he twists and distorts things to suit because he is obviously the "hero" of the whole operation. And, of course, eventually he believes that the way he has written the comic book is exactly the way things are in real life....
So every six to eight months, I am informed that my character has moved over to the dark side, and that he and I are now mortal enemies. Okay. Wake up, man.
There's lots of crazies out there- I just started realizing recently that the hang-ups that most of them have are with interpersonal relationships. These people aren't "right." They don't work the same way we do inside. They're just not wired the same- and we, as the "normal" people, will never quite be able to understand their perspective.
It's best in the long run for most of us to just cut them off...
The crappy thing is when kids are involved... then you have no choice. You're somewhat stuck with dealing with this psycho delusionist until your kid (finally) makes it to 18.
I truly hate to hear about ridiculous situations as this, but all we can do is play the hand we're dealt, huh?
Great post,
T
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