Yes, I'm an asshole
Sunday, May 07, 2006
Sometimes when you go to a strip club, you don’t end up with a wild ass story. I know that is hard to believe, but it is true even for me.
A friend and I hit a club for the Mayorga/De la Hoya fight. We generally hit a club instead of a sports bar. What it gets down to is this. Both are usually going to charge you a cover. At the sports bar you are surrounded by drunk guys. At a strip club you are surrounded by drunk guys and also naked women. I think you can see why the strip club has an advantage. I also have to say that the food is better, the menu more complete and, believe it or not, isn’t much more expensive. The beer is more expensive, but that just gets you to drink less. I think that’s probably a good thing.
Now, we did enjoy the fight, and did enjoy the scenery, but one thing really amazes me. First, it would seem to me a waitress that messes up an order should just accept that she messed up. In this case she got my friend the wrong drink. And to make it worse, it was a drink he was buying for a dancer on his lap. She didn’t take that too well and complained, although she did complain fairly nicely under the circumstances. So what did the waitress do? She just stopped coming to our table. To my way of thinking, it doesn’t make much sense to just pass up on tips for the rest of the night because there was a legit complaint about a drink order.
But there was an upside to this. See, I too had a dancer on my lap. I generally don’t buy dances, so my expenses are limited to drinks I may buy. If the waitress never stops by, there aren’t any drinks bought. I kept expecting the dancer to leave to make some money, but it took her about 2 hours to do that. Then, after she left, we did find a waitress, so we got more drinks and the food we had been waiting to order. The food there rocks, the fight was entertaining and in general it was a good trip. But we weren’t done for the night.
We had to head over to another club that is a little less upscale.
The club we chose is one a lot of local guys talk about. Mainly they talk about it because there are a lot of “friendly” dancers. For those who listen to Chris Rock, he is a lying motherfucker when he says there’s no sex in the champagne room. Hell, in addition to 2 champagne rooms this club has “sky boxes” for even more privacy. Is there anyone who really thinks the extra privacy is just because people hate crowds? Before you answer, let me point out it is at least $100 just to rent the room, and they are always rented by guys who are married and generally couldn’t pick up a girl unless money was involved.
Anyway, we get over there and I have to be honest. It occurred to me that these guys have one other thing in common: low standards. I am not saying the girls were ugly. Only a couple of them were. But there is a general definition of a “dancer’s body” and very few of these girls had one. In fact, if I had to guess, I would say the manager is one of those guys that have a thing for pot bellies. Yes, there really are guys who like that. I am guessing it’s because they saw that discussion in Pulp Fiction and somehow it worked for them. For me, I see strip clubs as a fantasy experience. In other words, I don’t really see the sense in paying to see women that you could see (and in many cases see naked) for free anywhere. Well, not anywhere. You have to take them home from where you first saw them, because most places don’t like you getting naked there.
So we are there, generally wondering if the manager fattens them up personally or hires them like that. My friend meets one really hot dancer, who spends the night on his lap. I end up with one dancer who is trying real hard to be seductive and get my attention. She got it, but mostly because it was pretty funny. But she seemed to think she was making headway, so she kept doing it. Then, after a while, she seemed to get pissed that I wasn’t getting out of my chair to tip her. In my defense, she wasn’t hot. Besides, I didn’t get out of my chair until they offered a shot to the most enthusiastic customer. I will admit that I was enthusiastic about a free shot of Patron, so I stopped watching the huge banks of TV’s long enough to scream loud and long, winning a shot. I then got my shot, thank the dancer that picked me, and sat back down.
The night continued rather calmly for a while until a friend of the girl sitting on my friend’s lap hit the stage. To be nice I tipper her when she got to the side stage closest to us. I hadn’t noticed, however, that the “seductive” dancer was then on the main stage. She, however, did not fail to notice that I had tipped this girl. She gave me a dirty look and seemed to want to try to guilt me in to tipping her. Didn’t work. But, it did inspire me to be a dick and make sure to tip the girl immediately after her, who actually was very cute. Yeah, she noticed that too.
Unfortunately we left before I could get the cute dancer’s number. When she finished her rotation a little geeky guy drug her off for a dance. That meant waiting and I really didn’t feel like waiting. It was a tough call, but stripper games really kind of suck, and she might have been playing one. Since I had doubts, I just assumed she was.
That was the end of the night. Rather dull. I did enjoy being an asshole for a second or two. And a free shot of Patron is always good.
Oh, and to the really fat, really dorky old guys in VIP: don’t dance in public. It was really fun for me to watch, but we really weren’t laughing with you. Yeah, we were being assholes. But everyone has to every now and then.
Discuss my assholeness, in the forum.
A friend and I hit a club for the Mayorga/De la Hoya fight. We generally hit a club instead of a sports bar. What it gets down to is this. Both are usually going to charge you a cover. At the sports bar you are surrounded by drunk guys. At a strip club you are surrounded by drunk guys and also naked women. I think you can see why the strip club has an advantage. I also have to say that the food is better, the menu more complete and, believe it or not, isn’t much more expensive. The beer is more expensive, but that just gets you to drink less. I think that’s probably a good thing.
Now, we did enjoy the fight, and did enjoy the scenery, but one thing really amazes me. First, it would seem to me a waitress that messes up an order should just accept that she messed up. In this case she got my friend the wrong drink. And to make it worse, it was a drink he was buying for a dancer on his lap. She didn’t take that too well and complained, although she did complain fairly nicely under the circumstances. So what did the waitress do? She just stopped coming to our table. To my way of thinking, it doesn’t make much sense to just pass up on tips for the rest of the night because there was a legit complaint about a drink order.
But there was an upside to this. See, I too had a dancer on my lap. I generally don’t buy dances, so my expenses are limited to drinks I may buy. If the waitress never stops by, there aren’t any drinks bought. I kept expecting the dancer to leave to make some money, but it took her about 2 hours to do that. Then, after she left, we did find a waitress, so we got more drinks and the food we had been waiting to order. The food there rocks, the fight was entertaining and in general it was a good trip. But we weren’t done for the night.
We had to head over to another club that is a little less upscale.
The club we chose is one a lot of local guys talk about. Mainly they talk about it because there are a lot of “friendly” dancers. For those who listen to Chris Rock, he is a lying motherfucker when he says there’s no sex in the champagne room. Hell, in addition to 2 champagne rooms this club has “sky boxes” for even more privacy. Is there anyone who really thinks the extra privacy is just because people hate crowds? Before you answer, let me point out it is at least $100 just to rent the room, and they are always rented by guys who are married and generally couldn’t pick up a girl unless money was involved.
Anyway, we get over there and I have to be honest. It occurred to me that these guys have one other thing in common: low standards. I am not saying the girls were ugly. Only a couple of them were. But there is a general definition of a “dancer’s body” and very few of these girls had one. In fact, if I had to guess, I would say the manager is one of those guys that have a thing for pot bellies. Yes, there really are guys who like that. I am guessing it’s because they saw that discussion in Pulp Fiction and somehow it worked for them. For me, I see strip clubs as a fantasy experience. In other words, I don’t really see the sense in paying to see women that you could see (and in many cases see naked) for free anywhere. Well, not anywhere. You have to take them home from where you first saw them, because most places don’t like you getting naked there.
So we are there, generally wondering if the manager fattens them up personally or hires them like that. My friend meets one really hot dancer, who spends the night on his lap. I end up with one dancer who is trying real hard to be seductive and get my attention. She got it, but mostly because it was pretty funny. But she seemed to think she was making headway, so she kept doing it. Then, after a while, she seemed to get pissed that I wasn’t getting out of my chair to tip her. In my defense, she wasn’t hot. Besides, I didn’t get out of my chair until they offered a shot to the most enthusiastic customer. I will admit that I was enthusiastic about a free shot of Patron, so I stopped watching the huge banks of TV’s long enough to scream loud and long, winning a shot. I then got my shot, thank the dancer that picked me, and sat back down.
The night continued rather calmly for a while until a friend of the girl sitting on my friend’s lap hit the stage. To be nice I tipper her when she got to the side stage closest to us. I hadn’t noticed, however, that the “seductive” dancer was then on the main stage. She, however, did not fail to notice that I had tipped this girl. She gave me a dirty look and seemed to want to try to guilt me in to tipping her. Didn’t work. But, it did inspire me to be a dick and make sure to tip the girl immediately after her, who actually was very cute. Yeah, she noticed that too.
Unfortunately we left before I could get the cute dancer’s number. When she finished her rotation a little geeky guy drug her off for a dance. That meant waiting and I really didn’t feel like waiting. It was a tough call, but stripper games really kind of suck, and she might have been playing one. Since I had doubts, I just assumed she was.
That was the end of the night. Rather dull. I did enjoy being an asshole for a second or two. And a free shot of Patron is always good.
Oh, and to the really fat, really dorky old guys in VIP: don’t dance in public. It was really fun for me to watch, but we really weren’t laughing with you. Yeah, we were being assholes. But everyone has to every now and then.
Discuss my assholeness, in the forum.
posted by R. U. Serious at 5/07/2006 09:13:00 PM
I'm R. U. Serious
From United States
I have nothing to say. I plead the 5th.
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