Scared Bunny

I have to admit I felt a little bad about yesterday. I hate thinking that a relationship is essentially the same as everything else in life: a competition. But in reality it isn’t, because when the relationships work it is because the 2 parties naturally assume their roles. Looking at my relationships, and even the things said to me by exes after the fact, when I assumed a passive role it made the women uncomfortable. They wanted a man who was going to take control. If I didn’t do that they were uncomfortable and, as a result, they did things they really shouldn’t have. Not that that is an excuse, because it really isn’t.

So I really have decided to let her just sit there. If she cares she’ll contact me. If she doesn’t, then I have no real loss. Looking at how she contacted me this time, she was still kind of assuming a position of strength. I was supposed to make myself available for her on her schedule. Last time I checked, when you fuck up you don’t get to dictate the terms for when you will get to work it out. If you really fuck up you are lucky if you get the chance to make up for it. And she REALLY fucked up.

Meanwhile I get an email from the girl that lied about her relationship status. It was short and to the point: “Did it really matter that much?” I like those kinds of questions in this kind of situation, because I can provide an easy, one word, answer: “Yes”. Hell, if it didn’t matter would I have decided not to date her over it? OK, maybe if I was looking for a way out and was a total dick. But more likely I would just stop paying attention to the person. Especially since we really had just started chatting a couple of days earlier. In that kind of situation it is really easy to just completely back off and get out.

I also really don’t see the point in us talking. I have said here and to this girl that I don’t try to be friends with a woman I want more form. I know that you really can’t be a good friend in that situation. Anything you say to the person regarding anyone they are with is suspect. And, to me, if you can’t talk to a person about something like that, they aren’t really a friend.

In fact, she just messaged me as I wrote this. Seems she wanted to chat like we are friends. But we aren’t friends. And I really have no interest in hearing her thought processes behind lying. If she wants to justify it to herself so she can feel better, that’s fine. I however don’t feel like hearing her excuses. She knew when I asked her that had she told me she was dating someone I’d be through with her. So, because she wanted to have a back up in case the other guy didn’t work out. I am very certain that when she and I were on the phone the night she told me what happened that he messaged her that he had changed his mind and wanted to be exclusive. I could tell by her reaction and half assed answer.

And I have seen this kind of thing before. Someone screws up and, when they get caught, they feel awful. But within a few days they have twisted things in their mind to the point where it’s not really them; it’s you. She said I am unforgiving, but that isn’t it at all. I am not unforgiving, just uncompromising. I see no reason at all to violate several personal rules I have set because she wants me to. If you are lying to me within 2 days I kind of doubt you are going to be honest in the relationship. And if you can justify it to yourself so easily, I bet you’ll be able to tell yourself every lie you tell is really OK. After all, you are just trying to avoid conflict, or protect me from something that might hurt me, or ruin what is otherwise a great relationship, or…

So, she went on a rather short list of people blocked from my IM’s. Most of them are actually spammers. But there are a few that were just so shitty that I had to say enough is enough and block them. In her case, I have no desire to play this game. I also have no desire to listen as she explains again why she did it, and downplays what it means. Lies are lies, and in this situation, there is no justification.

I am sure she’s been able to make herself feel better about the whole thing, though. I mean, hell, it’s not like she is still messaging and emailing me, so she must be OK with things…

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