Scared Bunny

There’s something really strange that I can’t quite explain.

When something is going wrong in a relationship, even a new one, I have a very distinct feeling in the pit of my stomach. I have had it with just about every chick mentioned in this blog. I didn’t with freaky no lube hard anal sex girl, but that wasn’t a relationship. Hell, it may be the world’s only instance of a guy giving a chick mercy anal sex to keep her from feeling bad.

The time I first felt it was with my ex-wife. I knew something was wrong, and I was right. It is this feeling that tells me something is happening right then. When I was with Heather, right before it ended, I had the feeling while I was on a business trip. What I discovered then was a lot of evidence she was cheating with a guy from work. I had the same feeling again the night I discovered she was taking money out of my bank account to buy drugs, and was lying about where she was going, what she was doing and who she was with. In fact that feeling is what told me to check the bank.

I could give a lot of different examples, but it just is something that I know is a very reliable guide if I just follow it. I never explained that that feeling is what first triggered me yesterday. I felt it and then suddenly knew she had gone out drinking, and something was going to happen. That is why I was hoping to get her to come over here instead of going out. I wanted the feeling to be wrong this time, but it never is. And when I got off the phone with her I knew that things were over before they ever started. I stayed up just in case I was wrong. Of course I can’t sleep when I have that feeling, and the feeling doesn’t go away until whatever is happening is over. That is a really lame feature of this sense, because sometimes that can last a while.

Unfortunately the feeling I get when I first realize that something bad will eventually happen is not as strong as the one when it is happening. If it were as strong I would never be able to keep seeing a woman once I felt it.

Another problem is that the feeling is the same when it hits no matter how bad the problem is. Don’t get me wrong. It is always something real. I have never had it been anything that wasn’t a good reason to get upset. But last night’s issue is not equal to, for example, being cheated on and having money stolen. In fact, what happened was she got too drunk to drive and her friend just put her to bed. So I have every right to be upset, but I don’t see this as a reason to go off on her or end everything. If it happens again, yeah, I’ll be pissed. Right now I am being very cautious because I am real happy about what happened. That said, she was very apologetic, and seemed sincere. I guess we’ll see.

I wish I had more to say. I know everyone wanted there to be a massive story where we have crazy sex and then I find out she is a satanic vegan that wants to steal my sperm for use in a ritual to summon demons for the purpose of taking over Liz Claiborne. Unfortunately all we have is a woman who hasn’t been able to go out at all for about a month and overindulged. Now, it is possible there is more to it, and if there is I will be sure to tell everyone and write one of those wild stories. I could now, but that ain’t gonna happen. I have to respect her enough not to share any intimate details. I even feel a little bad about last night’s post. I’d delete it but that seems dishonest. Besides, all I did was discuss what happened. I was honest and she admits that she was out of line.

The interesting thing will be how long it takes for me to trust her now. I am really shitty about trust anyway, for reasons that are obvious if you’d read the damn archives. (Seriously. If you haven’t read the first several posts you missed all the good stuff.) Normally I wouldn’t take a chance with her right now, but I actually believe her. Usually when I did take a chance I actually knew the chick was full of shit. With her I see the drama warning signs, but not the liar, thief scammer warning signs. And, hell, who am I to hold drama against anyone.