Scared Bunny

I now understand why I was always a relationship guy. No, it’s not because of some deep-rooted need to make up for my parents’ failed marriage. It is not because of unresolved issues with my mother. It is not because of a desire not to be alone. It is not because I want regular sex. It is not even because I want someone who will do a better job of cleaning my house than I do. No, while all of those are very valid reasons for some people, none explains why I have always looked for relationships.

I do it because I hate dating.

Yes, I went on the first of the personal ad dates tonight. The only thing worse than dating is first dates. I am not saying this was a terrible date. I am not going to tell a horror story about it, because it wasn’t anything like that. But you take the awkwardness of a first date and combine it with someone that you just don’t have a connection with, and you are just not going to have a great time. Yeah, it wasn’t terrible, and it was nice to go out and eat with someone I’m not related to who doesn’t complain if there isn’t a playground or crayons.

I guess it didn’t help that she wanted to try to shock me a couple of times and was disappointed when it didn’t work. Makes a joke about dating girls? No big deal. I’ve dated bi chicks before. Joke about a stripper pole in her bedroom? Not exactly shocking if you’ve dated strippers. 2 large rum drinks with dinner? Heather would drink 5 massive margaritas with a snack. In short, she wanted someone that would be impressed with her wild nature, but she is far from wild by my standards.

That seemed to upset her because she is the wild member of her crew. So, if I have had experiences that make her behavior less than shocking, I must not be happy. You can’t be happy if you have dated crazies. Fact is, I wasn’t happy; because I knew almost instantly this thing was going nowhere. One good thing about dating a stranger, though, is that a date with her that doesn’t work out doesn’t guarantee you have drama to deal with, and the loss of access to women you know that she will talk to. Plus, you can just be yourself and get out of there as soon as possible.

So now I understand why I always go for a relationship, so I can stop dating. But I now also understand why guys try to nail every chick they date.

The first reason is that you really feel like you earn it after a bad date. For a woman, at least her consolation from a bad date is that she got a free meal or whatever out of the deal. I was sitting there at dinner, trying real hard not to watch the basketball game over her shoulder, realizing that, while I am not interested in her, I would have, had the opportunity presented itself, slept with her. I wasn’t going to pursue it, but I really felt the time I had spent to this point would have made doing it OK if she had offered.

I don’t think paying for dinner entitles me to anything. Not even the 2 hours of less than stellar conversation means an entitlement. But it’s real easy to say to yourself, “Yeah, she’s far from ideal, but it would be nice to get something out of this night.”

So, I got the first one out of the way. I don’t see any way we’ll go out again. I’m not in to her and she’s not in to me.

But I’d still do her.