Scared Bunny

I think I have discovered the easiest way to blog in the world. First, you do need a blog with readers. That is the hard part. I know what it takes to have a shitload of readers because I used to have a shitload of readers. It took a lot of time. But once you have that, it’s easy. First, you announce you will be having guest bloggers at some point in the future. I am guessing you need a good reason to need them, but maybe not. You can always claim you will be having surgery. People like surgery. Well, they like other people’s surgery anyway.

This is where it gets brilliant though. You let people know that if they want to be a guest blogger, they must submit a sample. You want a whole entry from them. Amazingly, people will do this. Then you post the entries so the readers can read them and comment. You now have easy content, and since it seems like a competition, people are even more likely to submit because they want to win. And they will get their readers to come to your blog because they want to win. And, of course, some of those people will want to win, so they will submit. The whole thing becomes this giant growing mess where people keep submitting to win.

Then, you actually also have all these people who will also write for you when you are “away”. And when you publish their “guest entry” they will once again have their readers come because they want everyone to see that they were chosen, and we all want attention or we wouldn’t be writing this shit in the first place. You just keep repeating this cycle forever, and all you have had to do was read some shot and add like 2-3 sentences about who write it or whatever, plus occasional reminders of what is going on. I am honestly wondering how long you can keep this up.

And, yes, I found a blog that is doing this, but I am not about to give the lazy bastard any free hits. He may be brilliant, but I have decided lazy trumps clever.

I have also decided that people are very gullible. This is because I read the comments on Scary Personals and it is amazing to me that people haven’t figured out that I make up the text most of the time. Now, there are cases where the text is so funny I just use it, but for the most part I make it up based on the picture. But if you read the comments it’s clear that a lot of people seem to think the ads are real just as I present them. Yes, the pics come from real personals ads, but do you really think a woman wants a man who has a DC/AC converter in his car? Does the guy think she wants it for her vibrator or something/ Oh, and there is the need for a shitload of extension cords.

Of course, the suggestion that I start let people post their own real personals there kind of scared me. I would really wonder about anyone that wanted their ad on the page. What happens if someone assumes you are one of the joke people? Even worse, what if someone tries to get a date with one of the joke people? I don’t want to get nasty emails asking for contact info for those losers. For the record I do not gather or keep that. I do not give a flying fuck who these people are. I truly don’t ever want to know any of them. Well, maybe a couple of the hotties would be OK. They may be stupid, but hot is hot, even if she does post pics of herself in front of a toilet.

I would write more, but I have a splitting headache. So I will instead post this:


Nothing says Happy Holidays like a turd in front of a pile of colorful dried leaves.