Scared Bunny

On TV they always show men meeting hot chicks because of their kids. I sometimes wish I had the lack of scruples to take advantage of my son. I have one of those kids that are insanely cute, smart, well behaved and sweet. He would be gold for that. And I know some of you doubt me because I am biased, but there are readers that have seen my son, so they can verify the cute, and he just somehow draws people in. They’ve also heard me talk about how he acts, and they’ll verify the well behaved and sweet. And his comments mentioned yesterday should pretty well confirm the smart part. He would be better than a dog as a chick magnet. This is particularly true when it comes to my dog because, while he is a good looking dog, he is so timid you can’t even get him to go for a walk except in our back yard.

Even if I could do it, though, the thing they always show where you meet your kid’s friend’s mom and romance ensues would never happen. I swear the kid has no friends with single moms. None of the kids in the neighborhood he plays with have single moms. Well, there is one kid, but they are never home. Too bad too because she really is hot. Probably wouldn’t matter though because the women in the neighborhood universally hate me. It seems I committed an unforgivable sin when I kept the house. This came after telling my wife she had to move out as we were going through the divorce for very legitimate reasons that need not be mentioned here. Ya’ll really seem to like taking the woman’s side in a divorce regardless of the story. In this case it was easy for them because I haven’t told anyone here what happened. I could, but I know they would repeat it and eventually the little shit across the street would say something to my son. Instead he gets told how I am a jerk, which I don’t mind as much.

As an aside, I swear that kid is destined to be a serial killer. In about an hour’s time I think I heard him mention 5 different ways he would kill people. He is always getting mad. Of course he is learning that my house is not a fucking democracy so his free speech rights don’t extend past the front door. But when you have an 8-year old mentioning crushing skulls, stabbing heads and shit like that, something is wrong. I would say something to his parents but his mom hates me. I doubt she’d listen. I also doubt her husband would want to know about the lesbian women that his wife is always hanging out with only when her son or husband are out. I dunno. Maybe he would. Personally I think he might be relieved if he could somehow get a 3-way out of the deal because otherwise there is no way he can be sexually attracted to her. Maybe if he could get this other chick in the room he could get some joy that has to be missing now.

Anyway, I was thinking about all these single mom things because Friday would, in theory, be the perfect chance to meet one of these mythical moms, because I have been blessed with the opportunity to visit Chuck E. Cheese with my son for a classmate’s birthday party. So you would think that the chance would be there to chat up some MILF while the kids play. But I can tell you now that shit ain’t gonna happen. I have been to events like this before, and with the exception of one other parent, there have never been any single people. It seems that having your kid in a Christian school, while good for his education, discipline and safety, is not a place you can find divorced women. I wouldn’t change his school for a reason like that, but, damn, I could use a break here.

Of course people assume that his going to a church school would mean a chance to meet women at the church. But that ain’t gonna happen either. See, his mom works at and attends the church. I really don’t have a desire to go to a church under those circumstances. I actually have no desire to attend church at all because I hate waking up early on a Sunday. I actually hate waking up early any day, but we’re only bitching about church here and not the fact that things happen in this world prior to noon. I also don’t like pews. I swear that church seats are made intentionally uncomfortable because they know the shit is so boring that they have to use tricks to keep you awake. I also don’t like hymns. Oh, and dressing up sucks.

Yes, I know I am not looking at church right. We can add my attitude to the reasons not to go. If it helps I was asked to do a radio commercial for my church in high school and was asked in an interview why I liked going to church. I said to meet girls. They didn’t like that answer much (but it was true). So, you see, this is a long-held attitude problem.

So, if you wonder why I now have money and still no romance stories, there you have it. This has all coincided with having my son, and I don’t go out when I have him. So I am left with very limited contacts with women. I do see some women when I pick him up and drop him off, but I swear the women are all married. So even though I could talk to them, it wouldn’t be worth mentioning unless one of them has Tourette’s syndrome, which could be hella funny, but has yet to actually happen. In fact, the only person I ever met with Tourette’s was nothing like the movies. But a woman blurting out fuck repeatedly for no reason at a Christian school would be funny.

I also heard the most idiotic story tonight on TV (it’s late and I need the noise to stay awake). A woman was dating a man who was possessive and paranoid. So, naturally, she married him. Her logic was that marrying him would prove she was loyal and he didn’t need to be worried. That is just stupid. First, guys don’t change for the better just because you marry them. They may change for the worse, but never for the better. I was once told that women marry men thinking they can change them, and men marry women expecting them to never change…and both end up disappointed. So they get married, and he acts the same way. Her reaction then is to get his name tattooed on her ass because “no man would touch me with his name on my ass”.

OK, time for a lesson. Yes, we will fuck a woman with a brand on her. I am not sure that I have ever done it, but a tattoo of a name isn’t going to be enough to stop me. A wedding ring will stop me in my tracks. A tat won’t. An engagement ring would stop me. Tat…nope. Big guy holding your hand…no sex. Tat of his name with no clue who he is…I’ll tap it. Is the point being made?


OK, if the tat is on a tit I may not hit it. That is a huge urn-off and just screams trashy.

Second, if marriage won’t change a guy, why would a tat? The guy doesn’t trust you. Maybe he has a reason. Maybe he’s nuts. Regardless, that is the way shit is. You aren’t going to change that. You could have yourself horribly disfigured and while he would dump you, he wouldn’t trust you. That is just the facts of life.

Really…we’re not that hard to understand. Even our worst examples.