Scared Bunny

Why does my broke period have to coincide with the summer TV season? I don’t mind not going out during the summer in some ways because it is too fucking hot around here anyway. That usually means any place worth going is rather hot as well. But I would at least like something entertaining when I have to watch TV. There are a couple of good things to watch, like Entourage and Starved, but Jesus the good shit is scattered. It’s sad when the best things on TV are the nights that Iron Chef has one of the violent creatures that can fight back as a theme ingredient.

Actually, that’s not fair, because I like those nights anyway.

I actually have been reduced to watching Ultimate Fighter 2, which is a good way to get you to lose all respect for the sport in general. Fuck, they have guys quitting left and right. In a sport where the whole idea is to beat the shit out of each other, these guys are quitting before they even fight. What were they thinking?

It does make it easier to write because it’s not like Big Brother or Will’s favorite show, its Never Funny In Philadelphia, are going to distract me. They make excellent background noise, and I like background noise in the house. That excludes any noise created by a telephone because the only person worth talking to is my son. Little kids are funny on the phone.

Anyway, since most of you are too smart to actually ask my advice in relationships, I have been trolling the web for something to write about. It’s always fun to give advice to a total stranger that doesn’t ask for it. It is even better when they have no idea that you are providing it to them. I have to do something because there ain’t shit going on in my life. And I am still debating a couple of stories from people I know have read the blog.

The sad thing is, nobody seems to have interesting problems. There are some people who make really good targets for potential ridicule and mockery, but that would be senselessly mean. Plus I really don’t want to start a blog war. I don’t do flame wars on the web, no matter what you may have heard. I understand that they are good for hits, but if I wanted hits I’d be doing more blog pimping.

The people in the blog world seem to be in a constant state of looking for the right guy or girl, and then they tell you about their current love. Sometimes that makes for great content, because some relationships are just such clear train wrecks that you have to wonder how the people in them don’t see it.

See, I have always seen the train wrecks coming. My problem is that I usually wait until I have incontrovertible proof because, just like you guys, I don’t trust my judgment. It is insane because I know I see the situations right, but I just don’t trust my judgment because my track record has been so bad. At some point I have to teach myself that it’s the first part of the relationship where my judgment sucks, not at the end.

But I haven’t seen any case where someone was obviously getting played in a while. In a twisted way I really wish I had because those are fun pieces to write. I must be reading the wrong blogs. Surely there are some truly fucked up relationships coming out of blogs somewhere. None of my friends are having any drama.

Now, please don’t get me wrong, there is a lot of fucked up shit out there. When you have people washing their keyboard in their shower, which is always at least a little amusing. And, of course on the same blog there was a party where they had a giant dildo fastened to the door. In short, I think this was a very disturbed young man. It was on MSN Spaces though, so I guess that is to be expected.

That site, and the dildo picture, did really give me something I need to advise you on. See, at this party, I noticed that the people had nametags on. Here is a general rule of etiquette. There should not be dildos at a party where you have to wear nametags. In general, you should keep your sex toy parties limited to people who all know each other’s names. I guess if it was an orgy or something that would be different, but if you were going to be naked anyway, why would you bother with a nametag. I doubt they stick well to bare skin, and the guys with the hairy chests are really not going to appreciate removing them if they do stick well.

This may come as a surprise, but I actually am not interested in an orgy. I am not going to say that those of you that do the group things are freaks. Well, yeah, you are. I have noticed that the people looking to swap and gang up are all more than a little off. I understand the people that are really not in to each other, but just can’t face that, but wanting to watch some other guy dick your chick is just fucked. I swear it’s just a way for the guys to se other guys’ dicks in action without having to own up to their homosexual tendencies. I think they really just need to accept that it’s their ass they wish that dick was plowing in to. Hell, maybe their girl would like to watch that. I have heard women that thought that gay porn was hot. Not as many as the guys that want to watch 2 girls go at it, but enough.

I say they just need to all let go. If they want to go be gay or bi or whatever, then they should do it. It can’t be any more embarrassing than admitting you like watching some other dude nail your wife/girlfriend. Plus, nobody ever seems to be trading up in these situations. Strangely, they all seem to be trading down. I have never really figured out how that works, but when I have seen pics of swingers it just seems every one is worse than the pic before. Even if they keep showing you the same pics over and over they seem to get worse. I once asked a friend who had been to a swinger party if it was that the ugly one’s were the only ones that allowed pics or if they were all ugly.

His answer was: “both”. I will say he never went back.