Moving on up
Sunday, July 31, 2005
Sometimes I feel sorry for the people that hit next blog and end up here. It’s not that I think this blog sucks, because if I did I wouldn’t keep writing it. But when I see what blog they came from, it has to be a real shock. Lots of these blogs are more than just a little religious. I think it has to be a little shocking going from a discussion of the differences between the Gospels of Mark and Luke to an in-depth discussion of my dick in the depths of some chick’s ass.
By the way, I was advised by a loyal reader not to mention anal sex so much because I don’t want to be known as the anal sex guy on the Internet. I can understand that. There is a lot more to this site than just anal sex. Hell, I don’t think I’ve actually mentioned banging on a backdoor more than once or twice in the stories. But I have noticed something. The more I use the phrase anal sex, the more people forward the link and post comments. Plus, I show up on more interesting Google searches that way.
But I was also reminded that if I hope to attract women that I need to not mention it so much. In fact, one person was surprised there weren’t women flying out to see me already. I am not really surprised by that though. There seems to be an understandable fear of ending up in a story on the blog. I always remind people, the only way to end up in a story is to do something worth writing about. A typical date wouldn’t be in here because if everything goes well it’s not interesting to anybody else. Besides, I’m not really dating right now. I am coming off 2 years of roller coaster insanity and I don’t have the energy.
Dating crazy women is very tiring. You can’t let your guard down for a second. Just when you think you have them pinned down, they find some new way to freak out. Take Heather. Just when I was used to her freaking out and getting jealous, she moved on to drugs and cheating. And the one-off crazies just blindside you. You may spend less time with them than the crazy women you date seriously or even live with, but the fact it comes out of nowhere makes it like a hard right cross to the chin.
One person suggested maybe I needed a friend with benefits. On the surface this sounds like just what I need. I’d get laid but have none of the demands of a relationship. But I’ve tried that twice before. Neither time did it work.
The first time the sex was amazing, and neither of us was interested in the other as anything more. The scheduling was a pain, but I could deal with that. What sucked was that the girl was fucking bipolar when it came to us. In the course of a single day she would go back and forth from “let’s get together tonight” to “I can’t do this” four or five times. I never knew if I was cumming or going. Plus, she didn’t quite understand why I had a problem with her banging several other guys. I guess not all of us have an aversion to herpes.
The second time was a bigger mess. This time it was an ex, and I should have known better. Basically she was using the sex to be close to me because she didn’t want us to break up. I don’t know if she had me fooled or I fooled myself, but I was convinced it was working.
That is, until she called me one day after work and told me that a coworker had attacked her. She said the guy had followed her in to a back room and threw her against the wall. See, she knew that rape and assholes that attack women really fuck with me. It hadn’t occurred to me that someone would lie about something like that though. For the record, there are people that will lie about shit like that.
She probably would have gotten away with it too, but some people just really aren’t good liars. She was doing fine until she claimed she had bought a fake engagement ring to deter the guy from asking her out again. Unfortunately for her she had forgotten that she had been claiming all along that she hadn’t even noticed the guy until the night he grabbed her. To ask someone out “again”, you have to have first asked them out.
Turns out they had actually gone out at least once, and for all I know several times. He hadn’t actually attacked her, he just wasn’t happy with that she had decided not to go out with him any more. From what I understand the “assault” consisted of him calling her a bitch as they crossed paths in the hall. But she wanted me to go in to rescue mode for her, with this tragedy bringing us together.
(One thing I am very happy about is that while I have dated some serious liars, none of them were very good at it. Some made up for lack of skill with sheer audacity. Others tried the more is better approach, and lied about everything.)
So my history when it comes to friends with benefits really blows. Then again, my history with relationships in general blows, so why would this be any different.
One lame thing about dating crazy women is that they move on very quickly. I know the movies always show them as hanging around forever stalking you, but that isn’t usually the case. They seem to have this need to be in a relationship. I think that’s why so many of them seem to stay with abusive guys for so long. The abusers don’t break up with them. The guys that don’t abuse them do break up with them eventually. And as soon as they accept that this guy isn’t going to take them back they move fast to find the next one.
The fucked up thing is that, even though you don’t want them back, it’s like a kick to the balls when you find out that they found another guy. It’s not that you’re jealous. It’s that it sucks to find out how easily you can be replaced. But in these situations you CAN be easily replaced because their emotions aren’t real. They may think they are, but they aren’t. They feel, but they don’t love.
There is also this amazing urge to find the new guy and warn them to run away. My two most recent exes both have new guys and part of me wants to just grab their shoulders and scream “RUN!” but then I remember that we usually get about what we deserve, so if some guy somewhere is making a mess of his live right now, then I am just going to let him. Besides, I actually tend to be the exception for these ladies. They end up dating abusers out of habit, so chances are pretty good the guy deserves whatever he’s going to get, and then some.
I can’t live my life trying to save the world. I figure I can save my son and myself and that’s about it, and sometimes I’m not sure about saving myself.
It has also been suggested to me that the real problem isn’t that I date crazy women, it’s that I date American women, I can’t really comment on that. I only dated one foreign girl. She was British and shaved her head, so I knew she was nuts going in. Plus I think they are more thinking Latin American and Asian. Maybe even Eastern Europe, but I’m not so sure about that.
Of course, this advice didn’t come directly. It came from the good folks at AmericanWomenSuck.com. Some of the guys on their message boards are loyal readers. I don’t think they think too much of me though.
That’s all I have for tonight. I know it’s not the most entertaining thing I’ve ever written, nor the most soul searching. But it does reflect my mood tonight. So, if you’re bored, maybe tomorrow will be better.
By the way, I was advised by a loyal reader not to mention anal sex so much because I don’t want to be known as the anal sex guy on the Internet. I can understand that. There is a lot more to this site than just anal sex. Hell, I don’t think I’ve actually mentioned banging on a backdoor more than once or twice in the stories. But I have noticed something. The more I use the phrase anal sex, the more people forward the link and post comments. Plus, I show up on more interesting Google searches that way.
But I was also reminded that if I hope to attract women that I need to not mention it so much. In fact, one person was surprised there weren’t women flying out to see me already. I am not really surprised by that though. There seems to be an understandable fear of ending up in a story on the blog. I always remind people, the only way to end up in a story is to do something worth writing about. A typical date wouldn’t be in here because if everything goes well it’s not interesting to anybody else. Besides, I’m not really dating right now. I am coming off 2 years of roller coaster insanity and I don’t have the energy.
Dating crazy women is very tiring. You can’t let your guard down for a second. Just when you think you have them pinned down, they find some new way to freak out. Take Heather. Just when I was used to her freaking out and getting jealous, she moved on to drugs and cheating. And the one-off crazies just blindside you. You may spend less time with them than the crazy women you date seriously or even live with, but the fact it comes out of nowhere makes it like a hard right cross to the chin.
One person suggested maybe I needed a friend with benefits. On the surface this sounds like just what I need. I’d get laid but have none of the demands of a relationship. But I’ve tried that twice before. Neither time did it work.
The first time the sex was amazing, and neither of us was interested in the other as anything more. The scheduling was a pain, but I could deal with that. What sucked was that the girl was fucking bipolar when it came to us. In the course of a single day she would go back and forth from “let’s get together tonight” to “I can’t do this” four or five times. I never knew if I was cumming or going. Plus, she didn’t quite understand why I had a problem with her banging several other guys. I guess not all of us have an aversion to herpes.
The second time was a bigger mess. This time it was an ex, and I should have known better. Basically she was using the sex to be close to me because she didn’t want us to break up. I don’t know if she had me fooled or I fooled myself, but I was convinced it was working.
That is, until she called me one day after work and told me that a coworker had attacked her. She said the guy had followed her in to a back room and threw her against the wall. See, she knew that rape and assholes that attack women really fuck with me. It hadn’t occurred to me that someone would lie about something like that though. For the record, there are people that will lie about shit like that.
She probably would have gotten away with it too, but some people just really aren’t good liars. She was doing fine until she claimed she had bought a fake engagement ring to deter the guy from asking her out again. Unfortunately for her she had forgotten that she had been claiming all along that she hadn’t even noticed the guy until the night he grabbed her. To ask someone out “again”, you have to have first asked them out.
Turns out they had actually gone out at least once, and for all I know several times. He hadn’t actually attacked her, he just wasn’t happy with that she had decided not to go out with him any more. From what I understand the “assault” consisted of him calling her a bitch as they crossed paths in the hall. But she wanted me to go in to rescue mode for her, with this tragedy bringing us together.
(One thing I am very happy about is that while I have dated some serious liars, none of them were very good at it. Some made up for lack of skill with sheer audacity. Others tried the more is better approach, and lied about everything.)
So my history when it comes to friends with benefits really blows. Then again, my history with relationships in general blows, so why would this be any different.
One lame thing about dating crazy women is that they move on very quickly. I know the movies always show them as hanging around forever stalking you, but that isn’t usually the case. They seem to have this need to be in a relationship. I think that’s why so many of them seem to stay with abusive guys for so long. The abusers don’t break up with them. The guys that don’t abuse them do break up with them eventually. And as soon as they accept that this guy isn’t going to take them back they move fast to find the next one.
The fucked up thing is that, even though you don’t want them back, it’s like a kick to the balls when you find out that they found another guy. It’s not that you’re jealous. It’s that it sucks to find out how easily you can be replaced. But in these situations you CAN be easily replaced because their emotions aren’t real. They may think they are, but they aren’t. They feel, but they don’t love.
There is also this amazing urge to find the new guy and warn them to run away. My two most recent exes both have new guys and part of me wants to just grab their shoulders and scream “RUN!” but then I remember that we usually get about what we deserve, so if some guy somewhere is making a mess of his live right now, then I am just going to let him. Besides, I actually tend to be the exception for these ladies. They end up dating abusers out of habit, so chances are pretty good the guy deserves whatever he’s going to get, and then some.
I can’t live my life trying to save the world. I figure I can save my son and myself and that’s about it, and sometimes I’m not sure about saving myself.
It has also been suggested to me that the real problem isn’t that I date crazy women, it’s that I date American women, I can’t really comment on that. I only dated one foreign girl. She was British and shaved her head, so I knew she was nuts going in. Plus I think they are more thinking Latin American and Asian. Maybe even Eastern Europe, but I’m not so sure about that.
Of course, this advice didn’t come directly. It came from the good folks at AmericanWomenSuck.com. Some of the guys on their message boards are loyal readers. I don’t think they think too much of me though.
That’s all I have for tonight. I know it’s not the most entertaining thing I’ve ever written, nor the most soul searching. But it does reflect my mood tonight. So, if you’re bored, maybe tomorrow will be better.
posted by R. U. Serious at 7/31/2005 11:13:00 PM
I'm R. U. Serious
From United States
I have nothing to say. I plead the 5th.
65 Comments:
Okay so Im sitting here trying to think up something witty and funny and inspiring all throwin into one amazing sentence.. but all I can think is that someone might mistake me for the Heather in your blog LOL
an ex of yours seriously claimed assault to bring you two "closer together"? wow. that's fucked up.
Sadly, crazy women are atttracted to seemingly sane men. I think they hope the sanity will rub off on them.
And despite your predisposition for anal sex (not that that's a bad thing)you seem to be relatively sane.
So the bad news is: your prospects for attracting sane women seems slim.
And that, too, is fucked up.
Yeah, your only hope of attracting a sane woman would be to pick a mental illness, act out and hope a sane woman with a jesus complex will come along to save you.
Let the dysfunction begin!
This post has been removed by a blog administrator.
This post was very insightful in a creepy sort of way :)
totally feel you on the kick to the balls when they move on.
high five on shit relationships!
Heather: I doubt anyone would confuse you for Heather in my blog. Especially if you sa something witty and funny.
LA: I am accepting that.
You just need to relax and not be so anal about things.
bwahahahahaa!
Ok sorry. Lame. But I couldn't resist.
Since crazy seems to find you no matter what, perhaps you need to get better at recognizing the subtle nuances of crazy. Some crazy can be fun. There's the "good" kind of crazy (she wants to worship your cock and call it "Allah") and the "bad" kind of crazy (she really believes the former and bursts a blood vessel when anyone contradicts her).
Maybe those who 'nexted' (huh?! Say what?!) from a religious blog and ended up here found just what they needed for their 'other' side. Don't we all have 'another' side to us? I bet more than a few have bookmarked your blog, they may have named it "The evil anal guy" or "The devil's anal brother" but hey, it's all good!!
Bunny,
Thanks a lot for your gift on Blogshares :)
Stella
there should be an alarm that blinks "RUUUUUN" for the people that click "next"
How come I never get good advice like don't mention anal sex so much on my blog?
i actually posted something about the "next blog" thing on our blog. all i have to say about that shit is to be prepared for horror. the ones you come across that are actually in english are fucking retarded. everyone i link to now is just one of those chance "next blog" things. that took about a month though to find something with any quality.
actually lemme clarify. the next blog thing got me to the "casual friday" blog. i just kinda went from there thru the comment section, & found you all.
so i'm trying to figure out if i'm bipolar chick
Go forth and get to know a few
Latin women.
I married a mexicana.
Perfecto.
if i found YOU on the NEXT button on blogger, I'd be thrilled. All I get is some foreign, perhaps Palestinian, or Egyptian, or Arabic writing that makes NO SENSE 'tall.
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